Going North
by kasterborous
Summary: Edward doesn't return to Forks after leaving for Alaska in Twilight. AU. BPOV "I felt a pull. An unexplainable want to be here. Like this is where I needed to be." R&R please :
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer: I do not own anything in the Twilight universe nor the lyrics in the story. **_

_Going North_

_Up where the hunted hide with ease  
Under the arms of eye-less trees  
Up where the answers fall like leaves  
Oh and your love is all I need  
Yeah I'm going north  
-Going North, Missy Higgins_

"yeah dad." I sighed into the phone as I paced back across my room to open another brown box full of newspaper wrapped glasses and bowls. "Don't worry about me. The campus isn't even that big, I won't get lost, or kid napped, and Mike's half a block away so no worries about being safe at home." That probably wasn't a good idea to bring up. My father had not been pleased when I had told him that my long time boyfriend, Mike Newton, was also accepting an offer to the University of Alaska. He didn't understand why "that kid needs to do everything you do. Doesn't he have a brain of his own?" That had made me laugh at the time. I shook my head. Sometimes Charlie got it right – Mike was more like a lemming than anything else, and I was sure he would follow me anywhere.

"okay Dad, I get it – you don't need to talk to him –We have _separate houses_!" Didn't he realize I wasn't a little girl anymore? I had been more than mature for my age since late childhood – I helped Renée through her own heartbreak after heartbreak. I was well versed in failed relationships. This is why Mike had seemed to be the perfect choice for me. In all my years of parenting my Mom the common factor had been the gooey eyed, fluttering heart, rush of the moment love. Mike was different. I _did_ love him, but it was more out of reliability than anything else. He was _safe_, he kept me safe, he _loved_ me. That was all I needed, the head-over-heels stuff wasn't real anyway.

"Yes, I love you too Dad. I'll call you again soon. No she hasn't showed up yet. I 'm sure she'll be nice enough. I got to go though. I'm still unpacking and I have to make dinner...Bye. " I hung up my cell phone and threw it at one of two chairs we had in my make shift living room. I glanced at the clock hung in the kitchen/dining area. It was just after 5. Devon, my roommate, was flying in from Michigan this morning and should be here soon. Though we didn't share a house Mike had offered to go out and get groceries – enough to hold us over until we were settled – and i would have to wait for him to get back to start dinner.

There wasn't much more for me to unpack, I had taken care of the kitchen, and living room as well as unloading my small suitcase of clothes into the set of drawers the landlord had provided. I grabbed some sheets and covered the twin bed Charlie had ordered to this address – which arrived yesterday.

_Knock knock knock _. That must be Devon. This pleased me, I had begun to get stir crazy, alone in a new city. I opened the door to the bright day. As a slight wind rushed in I shivered – I did hate the cold. Charlie was so surprised when I told him I wanted to accept the offer to University of Alaska. I didn't have an explanation other than I _had_ to. I felt a pull. An unexplainable _want_ to be here. Like this is where I _needed_ to be. At this moment that pull I had felt was non-existent and all I was feeling was cold. _Very, very cold. _I hated the cold.

"Come in, come in." I hurriedly ushered my roommate in, "here I'll help." I shoved my feet into my boots and pulled my sleeves down my arms to get as much coverage from the cold. I followed Devon back to the taxi where we grabbed two more suitcases. The rest of her things must be being shipped.

"Thanks!" She finally said as we closed the door to the outside world, "Hi! I'm Devon." She smiled at me, a beaming smiled which showed me she had been as anxious about this meeting as I had. I had only spoken to her through emails, assuring we don't wind up with two toasters or tv sets. She was a fairly short girl, shorter than me, maybe 5'2. With blonde shoulder length curls, and a round face. You could tell she was an athlete, with a naturally strong build. She was quite beautiful – if I hadn't been so confident in safe-Mike I would have been worried.

"Hi," I returned the smile, "I'm Bella." We embraced awkwardly deciding that a hand shake was too informal to share with someone you will be living with for the next 8 months. "How was your flight?"

I hoped this would start an unforced conversation. I hated the awkwardness of meeting someone new. I thought of my first days at Forks high, that was truly torturous. It wasn't until I decided I would enjoy myself that I did. She launched into a vivid description about the 8 hour long flight sitting next to a cute toddler and his mother, who was holding a less than enjoyable infant. I laughed when appropriate and added in information about my flights to and from Phoenix to keep the conversation going.

I liked Devon, she was very easy to be around. A little high strung, but I had a feeling she would balance me out rather well. Mike finally came over at quarter to 7. We helped him unload the taxi full of groceries. Thankfully the campus was within walking distance, just over 10 minutes. I could not afford to waste money on taxi fare.

I didn't feel like doing much for dinner, it had been such a long day, so i popped a frozen pizza in the oven. When it was done I settled into a chair in the living room handing a plate with three pieces to Mike where he was perched in front of my chair. We watched a movie that was playing on our fuzzy tv set. Classes began tomorrow and I was more than nervous. I'm sure it would be fine – that I was making a big deal out of nothing. Right?

**A/N: Don't worry Edward will be here shortly.  
Please review ! :)**


	2. Chapter 2: Girl in the Snow

**_Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the Twilight universe or the song. Those belong to S.Meyer and Belle and Sebastian.  
reviews would be love.  
thanks for reading. _**

Chapter two.

_This is Kyss 102 your fm station for light rock. To help lull you out of sleep we have Belle and Sebastian with Fox in the Snow. _

I let the radio continue to play as I turned over and tried to wrap my head around the day. I had class at 9:20. It was now 7:30. I wanted to be punctual the first day. I got up and headed to my adopted dresser.

A dark wash pair of jeans, deep blue tank and red sweater – Mike had always told me he likes me in red. That was my decided outfit.

_Girl in the snow, where will you go to find someone that will do? To tell someone all the truth before it kills you. _The song continued to its end.

I grabbed my clothes and headed to take a relaxing shower. I allowed the heat of the water to remove the stress from my shoulders. I was excited to start classes. I would no longer be forced to take gym and could focus on what I loved – literature. I was an English major with hopes of continuing into teaching. I think I handled people well and could do great in that setting. I got out, dried and dressed.

I grabbed two pieces of bread and put them in the toaster. Devon left her room in sweats and a long-sleeved t-shirt. She grabbed a bowl of cereal and came to sit at our small table across from me.

"So, are you and Mike..." she trailed of suggestively.

"Me and mike?" I mimicked.

"Is he your high school sweetheart?"

I smiled "Something like that. We've only been dating for about a year and a half." I spoke quickly, suddenly feeling like I should defend myself regarding safe-Mike.

"That's cool." She nodded taking another bite of frosted flakes, "it's pretty rare – staying with a high school boyfriend through college." I nodded, college was supposed to be all about new experiences especially with the opposite sex.

She continued, "I don't think I would want to be tied down like that. Did you see those guys playing soccer in the quad yesterday? I did. WOW. I love college." Another bite. "I just wish it wasn't so damn cold that they needed so many layers." We both laughed.

"Yeah. Mike's my boyfriend, but he's my best friend too. So I guess I don't see it was being tied _down_." She nodded this time.

"Are you free for lunch today?" She asked seeing me get up and grab my bag, "we could go down to the Wood house center."

"Yeah I have a block of free time from 12 till like 3."

"Okay I'll call you around...12:30?"

"Sounds good. I'll see you then." I called over my shoulder as I headed out the door.

I only got lost twice and both times I easily regained my inner compass as I found my classes. I wasn't late for either. I was proud of this. It was about 12:20 when I felt my leg vibrate.

"Hello?"

"Hey Bella, it's me. You ready?"

"Hey Dev, uhm yeah I'm about five minutes from The Center. Meet you there?"

"Sounds good."

I hung up and continued toward lunch with my new friend. As I walked I did notice boys – playing Frisbee this time – they were definitely good looking, athletic, heartbreakers - that was for sure. The boy with the head of black curls looked up to catch me staring. He smiled appreciatively clearly gathering the desired response from my reddened cheeks. When I got to The Center I took off my jacket and looked around scanning for Devon.

Beside the large wood burning fire place he was sitting. I'm sure it was him – he had not changed in the time from 6th hour biology until now. He was typing on a laptop, unmoving except for his fervid hands. He wore a white turtle neck and dark faded jeans. He was just as devastatingly beautiful as I remembered, maybe more so now without the scowl of hatred I had last seen him with. I forgot where I was or who I was looking for. I thought I had found him. My heart fluttered and my breath caught in my throat.

He brushed his auburn hair out of his eyes and glanced around the room. I tried to look away but I was sure I was too late. I was caught – for the second time today – staring. It was as if I was back in the cafeteria in Forks high on my first day. I felt like an idiot. I had not moved since I had realized who he was. I was sure I had been in the way of two or three people who had to push their way past me.

"BELLA." A voice chimed my name, "over here." I looked over toward my right Devon was sitting at a corner table with two coffee's – one for me one for her.

When I finally looked back toward the big fire place he was gone. I started a second crowd search and was not surprised when I came up with nothing. He did have a history of disappearing without so much as a word. If it weren't for his family I would have doubted his existence at all. But his family wasn't here this time and there was no proof that he had been sitting there by the flames.

"Hey Dev, sorry..." I struggled to maintain interest, "I thought I saw...someone. But I don't think it was him."

"Oh, who did you think you saw? What was his name?"

"Uhm Edward Cullen." I blushed – what I hoped was slightly – when I – what I hoped was louder than a whispered – his name. "He went to high school with me for...a while." Like a day. I couldn't shake the feeling I was the cause of his departure for the longest time. I still have not been able to reconcile an explanation to what happened but it had all but left my mind until now.

"That's cool. I don't think I know anyone at this school. That's really awesome if it's him. Hopefully you'll see him again."

"Yeah hopefully" I said wistfully looking out the window, "So how were your first classes?"

**A/N: I'm new to this guys so any comments would be lovely. :) thanks for reading.**


	3. Chapter 3: Ache for you

_**Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the Twilight universe nor the song in this chapter. Those belong to S.Meyer and Ben Lee.  
A/N: The idea is jsut like Edward said, if he let Bella be, one day she would end up with Mike, or someone like him.  
Hopefully you'll like this chapter, its about double the size of the others. Reviews? **_

_there's no rhyme and there's no reason  
you're the secret in the back of my skull  
there's no logic, so please believe me  
our love's confusing, but it never gets dull  
_-Ache for you - Ben Lee

"Edward?!" I shouted his name again. "Edward?!"

I was back in forks in the woods behind my house. I could see it through a thick haze and endless trees. It was raining, obviously, I was cold and alone. "Edward?!"

I don't know why I was calling his name or if I'd expected to find him. I seemed to be turning continuously, endlessly searching for my bronze-haired companion. Though I was sure I had checked every side twice I looked behind me and saw him. Standing, unmoving, as I had seen him in the center. He did not smile but glared at me, his hands balled into fists at his sides.

I had found what I was looking for in the woods yet all I could do was run. Run away from Edward. Away from my house. Away from Forks.

_It is 8'oclock on a beautiful Thursday morning. It's sunny outside with only a slight wind. Up next on KYSS 102 is Ache for You by Ben Lee._

Though it had been almost three weeks since my near meeting with Edward Cullen he continued to suffocate my dreams. I was drowning in the image of him, never welcoming, always elusive. It had to stop. I haven't seen him since that day – despite returning to the center almost every day to see if he would resurfaced.

Today I awoke and found that I was unable to roll over. I was being held. My first reaction should have been this is my boyfriend, who obviously would feel comfortable sleeping in the same bed as his girlfriend, stretching out and sprawling over me. However with the disorienting vivid images of the night's dreams that was not my first reaction.

I turned quickly and half screamed as I fell off the bed.

"Holy crap." I breathed. "Mike what the hell are you doing here?" Sleeping obviously. I thought a second too late.

"I was sleeping." He yawned and rolled over ignoring my outburst.

I didn't move for a while. The wooden floor below me was very cold. Though I hated the cold _outside_ it felt very nice in my warm room to be resting against the cool floor – the hard, cold ground was oddly comfortable.

"Uhm are you okay Bella? You're not moving..." Mike leaned over the bed and slide off the side. He made the short drop to the ground with little sound.

"Yeah I'm fine." I breathed as I turned to smile shyly at him. He then pulled me into his lap, I slide into his arms happily. The warmth of his body was in sharp contrast to the wooden floor and I missed it's coolness as soon as it left my body. He brushed the hair out of my eyes and he gazed at me like a lottery winner. I loved that someone looked at me that way – that I could make someone feel that way.

"You're beautiful you know that?" He whispered in my ear as he began tracing lines up and down my arm. I just smiled, I didn't know how to take a compliment.

"Thank you." I slowly sat up and placed my left hand on his cheek, my fingers sprawling to take dominion of his face.

He smiled his boyish smile, which over the years had thinned and grown. I continued to touch his cheek as I craned my neck so our lips could touch. I had forgotten all about Edward and my never-ending dream. I liked making Mike happy, it made me happy.

"I have to get to class." I finally said, still tangled in Mike's arms.

"Mmmmm,no. Skip." He cooed into my ear. It didn't sound like a bad idea. I was tired. And Mike was warm.

"I have to go." I squirmed until he let me go, begrudgingly. Before I stood I kissed him again – light and chaste. I grabbed some clothes from my dresser and started to leave – hoping I wouldn't knock anything over as I navigated the darkened room.

"mmloveyoubella." He sighed as he rolled back into bed.

"love you too mike. I'll see you tonight?"

"of course. I can't wait. See you after class"

I closed the door behind me. I really was tired. Stupid Mike with his stupid afternoon/evening classes. His earliest class was 11am, although his latest was 9:30pm which made seeing him less often than I thought it would be when we decided to move to Alaska together. I had no evening classes. I liked the night for myself. Tonight we we're both free and decided to go out for dinner.

Devon was already at the table eating. Looking at me in a way that I was sure I should blush.

"Morning Sunshine."

"Uhm morning." I must have looked uncomfortable. I knew our walls were thin and was afraid of what she heard the night before. If it was before I had fallen asleep that would have been tolerable. Mike went to bed _with_ me when we parted ways for the night after all. However I was worried it was something _after _I had fallen asleep. I knew I talked in my sleep and more than once I was insurmountably thankful that Mike was a ridiculously sound sleeper. Never more thankful than i had 

been in the past few weeks. With the dreams of Edward becoming more often I have more than once woken up speaking his name – never yelling, thankfully – but always mumbling the mysterious boy's name. I usually kept it under better control when Mike was here.

"You were up late last night. I'm surprised you're out of bed." So it was the first – I could deal with that. I reddened at her words despite my relief.

"Yeah well...I have class so..." I needed to change the topic. "So what are your plans for this weekend?"

She made another face, obviously she knew I did not want to discuss last night with her. She seemed to not mind. "Well tomorrow there's a party at Todd's place. He told me to bring people. So do you wanna come? It's a Halloween costume thing. " I thought for a moment. I had not been out to a party since I came here and it had been almost two months of college. I have a huge distaste for parties. And large groups of people. And any chance of attention.

She must have seen the hesitation in my face and furrowed brow because she added, "Please, _everyone's_ gonna be there." The way she stressed the word everyone convinced me. Maybe _he_ would be there. He _was_ like a ghost to me. There one moment gone the next. So it only made sense he would go to a _Halloween_ party. He just fit in there among mystery and myth.

"Fine. I'll go, but I don't have a costume..."

"I have a few extra I couldn't decide between naughty nurse or naughty maid so I got both." She shrugged. "I guess you're being a maid."

"I'm sure Todd would have like either."

"I hope so." She gave me a wink. "Aren't you gonna be late?"

I looked at the kitchen clock. "Shoot. Yes."

She called after me, "Lunch today?"

"Of course. Lunch at the center at 1. Bye Dev"

"Bye Bells"

I got to the center before Dev today so i grabbed our usual table in the southeast corner of the room. It was a dimly lit building with overwhelming smells of coffee and pub food. It would be about 15 minutes before she showed up so I decided I would continue to edit an upcoming essay for children's literature about Peter Rabbit. That class had really ruined my child hood for me. I pulled my long hair up into a messy ponytail allowing the shorter strands around my face to create a wall of coverage.

I felt a vibration in my pocket. A new text.

_Hey Bells. Todd asked me out for lunch. Couldn't pass it up.I'll see you at home. xo_

I guess I couldn't blame her. I didn't mind eating alone away. Now that I was sure I wasn't waiting for anyone to eat I got up and went to the counter to order.

"Hi can I get a large house blend and a ham and cheese sand which please."

"4.27"

Before I could reach into my bag to get out my wallet a hand was already outstretched, reaching toward the cashier. An alabaster hand with a beige sleeve folded up past very muscular forearms.

"Allow me." He spoke, I simply nodded. This would not help with my dreams.

The cashier handed me my items and I walked back to my vacant table in the corner, fully aware of the body following behind me. I sat down and he followed suit taking the chair directly across from me.

"Hello." He spoke the singe syllable word in such a way that made me forget the response. His eyes were a rich golden colour today – a far cry from the total black I remember from my first days in Forks. Though it was two years ago some details of my first day remain vividly clear. His coal black eyes as they pierced mine, was definitely one such memory.

"Hi." He stared at me incredulously. As if my presence here was the real mystery instead of the other way around. He was the mystery. The boy with looks that would make any movie star or male model jealous, who left the school I moved to in less than a day of meeting me. I had tried not to be so vain as to think I was the cause of his departure but really, was there any other explanation?

"I _have_ to guess you are wondering why I'm here." He said crossly. He gave too much emphasis to the word "have" like he was begrudgingly doing so. If he didn't want to have a conversation with me he didn't need to find me. My search for him was clearly not working.

"I assume to get an education." I remarked, I was determined not to let on how much I really _had_ pondered that question. He smiled slightly.

"I actually meant more of why I'm _here_." In Alaska and not Forks. I finished the sentence in my head.

"Oh." Was all I could respond. He seemed content to sit in silence as he waited for me to speak. I had nothing to say.

I did the only thing I could – I reopened my laptop and continued to edit and rewrite. All the time I was aware of his eyes on me, seeking and searching, for what I was not sure. Although I could have guessed he wouldn't find what he was looking for.

"I came to Alaska." I looked up from my Toshiba. I was no longer locked in the vice grip of his eyes as he glared out the window. "When I left Forks. I came to live with some family we have here – cousins in Denali – they had lost their mother. And I came to be with them as they needed."His eyes were 

affectionate as he spoke of his family and I couldn't help but believe his story. It had nothing to do with me and I was foolish to ever think it could have.

"What are you thinking?" He cut off suddenly.

"Nothing." About how much of an idiot I am.

"You're lying. And you're not very good at it." He smiled. A real smile. It was the first time I had witnessed it. It was crooked and toothy but completely perfect within its slight flaws – and I was reaching to find any flaw at all.

"I was thinking that I believe you." I might as well tell the truth or at least as much of the truth as I was willing. "That that is a perfectly reasonable explanation for leaving."

"And? There has to be more. You're at least three shades pinker than you were five minutes ago."

That made it worse. Busted.

"Five shades."

"Well –" I hesitated. Might as well fess up, what would he do? Run away again? Big deal. Bite me? . . . actually that I _would_ enjoy. NO – NOT appropriate.

"We're at a strong eight. I didn't think that scale went that high."

"Guess I'm full of surprises." I said, he laughed again.

"Truly." He shook his head, "As you were saying?" He wasn't going to let me go that easily.

"Well I had always thought – this is stupid. You'll think I'm stupid."

"Bella." I tried to shake my head but was caught mid-movement by the once again scorching eyes. The fact that he remembered my name gave me more pleasure than it should. "I won't think you're stupid."

"Promise?" It was childish. It wasn't even that big of a deal.

He held up his hand like a scout. "Promise."

"I thought – before, when you first left – that it was because of me. I didn't know why but I felt like you _hated_ me. When I saw you trying to change your schedule I thought it was rude. I never would have guessed you'd leave the state because of me. Not that you did leave because of me obviously you didn't. I just..." I paused to breathe something I forgot to do while professing this truth. "I couldn't shake the feeling it was my fault..." His eyes had seemed to freeze. His hands were in tight fists – just like in my dream, just like in 6th hour biology.

"See." I said, "I shouldn't have said anything. You're upset."

"Bella." He said my name again in a way so intimate that I unconsciously leaned toward him. "It wasn't your fault." He said this harsher than needed.

"I know." I breathed in his scent as I realized he too was now leaned across the small round table.

"I'm sorry you felt that you had caused me to jump state." He lightened again. He leaned back into the back support of his chair. I followed suit unwillingly – I didn't want to be further away from him.

"It's okay. My ego's intact." I decided I had done enough work for this lunch and packed my laptop securely in my messenger bag.

"Now why are _you_ here? And I would appreciate an answer greater than 'to get an education'"

"huh I'm stumped. That _was_ going to be my answer..." I paused, pretending to think. "Get drunk and get laid. Why else do you go to college?"

"No other reason I can come up with." He shrugged his shoulders in mock agreement. I finished the last of my coffee and checked my watch.

"Damn it." I tried to gather my things quickly. "I have a class in 10 minutes across campus. It takes at least 15 to get there."

"I can get you there in 9"

I looked at him quizzically.

"Shortcuts." He smiled again, a vision I was getting used to. "Just try and I keep up. I've been told that I'm often hard to keep up with."

"I'll do my best."

We hurried out the door and into the now setting sun. It wasn't 6 months of light and 6 months of dark in all of Alaska, that was a myth however in the winter night was _long_. And at 2:50 the sun was already low in the sky.

I could tell he was shortening his stride in order to make cadence with me. He didn't seem to mind.

"So how was," now _he_ was struggling for words. "your night?"

If I was an eight on the blush scale in The Center I must have been an eleven now.

"It was good. I stayed at home." Avoid eye contact; check, remain ambiguous; check "It was very...nice."

"Oh you live off campus?"

"Not too far about a 15 minute walk."

"Roommates?" It was almost as if he were trying to get me to confess to something more today. And I was all out of truth serum.

"Uhm yeah. This girl Devon –she's from Michigan. She's blonde and _so _outgoing and really nice. I was actually supposed to meet her today for lunch. You could have met her."

"Perhaps another time." He intended on seeing me again. That was either very good news or very bad news. It would take some time for me to decide which one. "So just the two of you alone in an apartment. It is a pretty big city –"

"I used to live in Phoenix which is much much bigger. I can handle myself. I'm not your normal girl –I'm not afraid of the usual bogey men." I was happy with myself and my seeming independence.

"I would never accuse you of being normal." I should have been insulted but he said it in such a way that I was flattered by the statement instead.

"We're not that alone anyway." I took another deep breath and peeked at the sun, momentarily blinded my eyes –a pre-emptive strike against his. "You remember Mike Newton?"

"He was the hunting store employee correct? The one with the uneven eyebrows?"

"His eye brows are _not_ uneven." I actually didn't know if that was true I never really looked. "But yes his parents own the store."

"He lives with you?"

"Down the street." I didn't want to acknowledge the fact I was dating Mike Newton to Edward Cullen.

"You must be very good friends then – to have migrated to a new state together."

I just shook my head. I wasn't going to go any further. And neither would he as we reached our destination.

"That was much quicker." I commended him. "Thanks for the company."

"Never a problem." I had to squint to look at him because of the setting sun behind his back. He turned to walk away and I didn't like the idea of not knowing when – or if I'd ever see him again.

"Dev's friend – Todd – is having a party tonight. It's a costume thing which is kinda lame. But it could be fun." He nodded once.

"Come?" It was more of a plea than a question. I wanted so much to have the assurance that he would be there.

"Does that mean I have to dress up?


	4. Chapter 4: I can't stay away

**_Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the Twilight universe or the lyrics/song. Those belong to S.Meyer and The Veronicas.  
A/N: all I want to say is PLEASE REVIEW. I will name my children after you. okay not children but fish. fish are nice :)  
oh and a definition you will need in this chapter: schadenfreude - from the musical Avenue Q, means happiness at the misfortune of others. I use it as a descriptive word. So now you know. _**

_I'm conflicted, I inhale now I'm addicted,  
to this place, to you babe I can't stay away, can't stay away.  
get up, go down, then we go one more round,  
it's wrong they say, I can't stay oh I can't stay away.  
_-The Veronicas I can't stay away

"You look good." Devon assured me for the hundredth time.

"Dev, I look like a hooker."

"That's the point."

Just then Mike entered the front door with his back pack. He had a class tonight and couldn't go to Todd's party. This news made me more excited than it should have and I was worried he would notice.

"Wow." He looked stunned, as I turned around. "You look..."

"Whore-ish?" I tried to fill in his gap.

"In the best of ways," he replied. He smiled his boyish smile and I grinned in response. "I don't know if I want you going to that party dressed like that –a guy may get the wrong idea."

"Don't worry," I told him as a laced my fingers together behind his head, "if anyone makes any sexual advances on me I will tell him he will have to deal with my very scary boyfriend who can lift full sized vans over his head."

"That's the spirit – lie." He closed the small distance between us and pressed his lips to mine. As I moved away I realized I had gotten costume lipstick on his face.

"You should wash your face before you get to class."

"Will do boss."

"We have to go Bells." Devon said, "Sorry mike."

Mike groaned. "I'll call you tomorrow okay?" I offered in peace.

"Fine. Love you." He shouted as we left.

The house was decorated in the least bit. Orange and black streamers were hung on the banisters and walls. And ghost cut outs were plastered everywhere. At least I fit in as far as my costume went. I, the naughty maid – complete with fishnet stockings, black satin, white lace and a feather duster – was sandwiched between my friend the naughty nurse and another girl dressed as a bunny who, in the winter months, would have died of hypothermia.

Devon was talking to Todd next to her and I tried to be as polite as I could while clearly scanning the crowd to make a break from their discussion. I couldn't see him anywhere and decided he just wasn't going to show.

"I'm going to go get another drink." I stated, "You guys want anything?"

They shook their heads no and I headed off into the kitchen.

I opened the fridge to grab another bottle and was disappointed when I realized the refrigerator had gone dry.

"_Perfect_." I mumbled. When I turned around there was a sheet standing behind me.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled as I tried to get out of the, what I can only assume was a ghost's, way.

"No harm done." His voice was distinct and devastating. I knew in an instant that the velvet tone could only be one person.

"Edward. You came." I breathed. Over reaction – calm down – he just showed up to a party, he didn't save your life.

"Did you not want me to?" He sounded hurt, but expectant.

"No." I spoke too quickly. "No I wanted you to. I just didn't think you would."

He closed his eyes slowly –holding them shut for longer than an eye blink warranted. I closed the fridge door then, realizing I had left it open and that it was making me – and probably Edward too – cold.

The two holes cut in the white sheet were the perfect windows into his expressive eyes and I was sure that if this was all I could see – his orbs of honey – than I would be content.

"I like your costume." I tried to sound casual.

"Well the invitation was short notice." His eyes laughed, "I see _you _were well prepared for the event." His eyes traced the whole of my body – covered in black satin and white lace – before resting upon my face – a mix of appreciation for my outfit and humour danced beneath them.

We both laughed at the remark. He in response to my cheeks reaction and me in response to the absurdity of him.

"It's really loud in here." I remarked. There was music blaring and swarms of people socializing.

"Very loud indeed." He agreed, "Would you like to go for a walk with me?"

I nodded – he smiled, I wouldn't have been able to tell but it reached his eyes easily.

"Can I just go tell my friend I'm going?"

"Of course, I'll wait on the porch."

I walked toward Devon who was still at her post by Todd's side.

"Dev I'm going to head out." She looked at me disappointed – she didn't want to leave. "No you can stay I'm just going to go."

"Bells you can't walk alone. It's dark and it's more than a mile away. Not to mention you look like" She waved her arm up and down, "that."

"I won't be alone."

"Is Mike here?" That stung, I was doing a good job ignoring the fact that I had a Mike until she brought it up. She looked around me to try and find him.

"No. Remember how I thought I saw that old friend a while back?"

"Yeah, he's here?"

"Edward. Yeah. So I'll see you at home."

I looked at Todd's arm draped around her waist.

"Or not. Have fun tonight." She smiled and jumped back into the conversation around her.

I exited the house and saw him facing away from me perched against the porch support beams. The white sheet he had used as a costume was now folded in his arms.

"Ready to go?" I asked.

"Yes. After you." He motioned for me to lead down the steps to the sidewalk.

Outside it was a clear night; the stars were visible to the human eye from the ground. Though the wind was still, it was cold. I had forgotten my jacket once he offered the option of alone time with him and it was still rested on the bed in the house. I was regretting that now but I still did not want to go back in the house to retrieve it.

This was selfish. I shouldn't want so much to be with Edward. I had Mike – safe-Mike – who loved me. I didn't know what this pull was toward this person. What undeniable force kept me here in the cold, where I shouldn't be? What did I want to come of tonight? Either I was a masochist who wanted to feel pain when I knew he wouldn't want me or I was schandenfreudian and I enjoyed the pain of others – specifically Mike. I didn't like the thought of being either – yet I had to stay.

I shivered then in the cold as we made our way down the lamp post lit street.

He looked toward me, "My apologies, how very inconsiderate of me." He took the white sheet then draping it over my bare shoulders it reached the ground and covered the majority of my whole. The fabric felt cold even though we were only outside for less than a minute. Beneath the white sheet Edward was dressed in beige khakis and a white turtleneck. I knew he couldn't possibly be warm in just the sweater but he hid any discomfort well.

"So did you make it into class on time?" he asked casually as we walked, close enough to touch yet not crossing that line.

"Yes. The TA was late so I had plenty of time. I probably could have made it without the shortcut."

"That's good then."

"What are you majoring in?" I kept the conversation going.

"Astronomy and Astrophysics."

"Wow. That's," I was searching for the right word, "impressive."

"I find it interesting. Especially in a place such as this where you feel as if you are almost close enough to the sky to touch the constellations."

"It is very pretty." I looked up and followed the line of his vision as he scanned the sky. "No clouds here to cover the sky." Forks was never very good for star watching.

"And you? What are you here studying?"

"Less impressive. English Lit." I shrugged my shoulders, "I was thinking of being a teacher."

"You would make a lovely teacher."

"Thank you."

We came toward a small park at the end of Todd's street. Without an escort I would not want to pilot the path on my own. But with Edward by my side I felt oddly safe.

I lead the way as we paced toward my house. I did not want to make it there any quicker. My stomach knotted and turned.

"My place is just ahead." I pointed in the direction of my house.

"Are you liking it here?" he asked.

"It's a little cold." He laughed in wind chimes. "But I'm enjoying it. I never felt a real tie to Forks. I loved Charlie, but something wasn't right about me being there," I shrugged "so there's not much to miss."

He nodded. I wasn't sure if I should reverse the question on him.

"Did you miss it? When you left?"

"I missed my family. I knew they would be fine without me and that I would see them again soon enough."

"Do you see them often?"

"Holidays with the whole family. Alice comes by often without the others."

I nodded. Edward's family scared me. There was no other way of putting it. They were undeniably beautiful – each and every one of them. After Edward's departure they seemed particularly hostile toward me. Especially Rosalie – arguably the most beautiful of all. During lunch, my eyes would wander to their table and every once in a while I would catch her staring in my direction seemingly trying to borrow holes into my head with her glare.

We walked up the small path toward the house where I rented the first floor.

"Thank you for the walk," he said simply, "it's very nice to see you again, after so long."

"It's nice to see you too." I turned toward him as we reached the door. "You look the same as I remember." I scoffed, "I wasn't expecting that."

He looked worried, "What do you mean?" His breath entered my nose and clouded my mind.

"I was sure I was making you up." I shook my head. He was confused – that was obvious. "You have to be aware of how other people see you - how you affect them."

"I don't understand."

"You look more like a roman God than a college kid." I spoke quickly before my concious mind could stop me from telling him I thought he was beautiful. It clicked in for him. "I thought after you left that the details in my mind were exaggerated. I only saw you for one day so I was sure I had made you up."

He was smiling now but it didn't reach his eyes – there was hesitation, fear, confusion. He was so much more than just his good looks. I was realizing this more and more with each encounter. It didn't make getting over these feelings and settling for Mike any easier.

"Well I am real." he promised.

"I guess you are." I smiled and took a step closer toward him. "That's good if you weren't real I would need to seek psychiatric help." He laughed once.

"We are very much the same in that perspective."

It was my turn to be confused.

"I do remember your first day. The hush of whispers about Charlie Swan's daughter from Phoenix. Isabella Swan was on everyone's mind that day, I am certain." I blushed. I hated my first day at Forks high school. Attention is not my friend.

He continued, "You were different than what was likely. Not the blonde, tanned, sun girl that everyone was expecting."

"I never did fit in quite right in Phoenix. I guess people would be disappointed by that..."

"Disappointment was not the feeling I was trying to allude to. More like the opposite. You were quite unlike anyone I've met." He stared for a long while into my eyes – trying to converse some truth. "I was sure I was remembering incorrectly."

"We're you?" I asked in a whisper. His face was only inches away from mine making breathing a concentrated effort.

"My memory seemed to have faltered."

"Oh." Disappointment edged my words, I looked down to my hands.

"You misunderstand. " He breathed, intoxicating me. He took my chin in between his thumb and forefinger angling my head upward. "You are more than I remember. Much more." He let go of my face but I kept my stare into his eyes.

I then lifted my arms placing each hand on either side of his chest. His strong hands took my elbows into their palms and he held me steady. His hands seemed colder than the air around us. We stood like this for a while before I angled my head slightly to one side. My eyes darted once to his perfectly smoothed lips. He took a staggered breath in holding it.

I lifted to my tip toes allowing my lips to graze his, absorbing their feel. They were as smooth as they looked, cold like this hands. The feeling of the chill of his lips was amazing. My hands were locked on his chest by his arms. I was too involved with the feel of his skin on mine too notice something was wrong. I pulled away.

In my moment of weakness I must have advanced more than he wanted. For the entire time of our – my – kiss he had not moved. No it was not _our _kiss – it was completely one sided.

I am an idiot.

He did not let me go and I did not struggle, I knew he was stronger than me and didn't need to look any stupider by proving that fact.

"Bella." The way he said my name was cruel. It was unfair. He let me go then and immediately took a step back.

"_Oh God._" I was frantic now shaking my head, "I thought..." I couldn't talk. I tried to put the key into the lock. I needed space away from him.

"Bella please stop trying to leave." Trying was an important word in that sentence, for the fourth time I had failed to put the key in the lock. "Look at me." I was determined not to – I remained still.

"I'm sorry I..." I shook my head again, "acted...like that. It's clear that wasn't what you wanted."

I could not see his face as I stood staring at the door but I heard a heavy sigh of remorse from his direction.

"It's not that Bella." I looked at him now. I was not expecting that. "We shouldn't...it shouldn't..._I_ shouldn't" He struggled for the right words. He then decided to apologize to me with his stare – I was only left confused as he kept trying to clarify. I had no other choice but to accept.

"Does this mean you're going to disappear again?" I finally asked, few tears gathering in the corners of my eyes. I didn't like that thought and responsively pulled the sheet around me tighter.

"No. I'm staying where I am." I shivered as he touched my cheek. "I just think it's best if we're...friends."

"Friends?"

"Friends." He repeated.

"Okay, I can do that." I would settle for being his friend to keep him in my world.

"Good." he turned to leave. "I'll see you around then. Goodnight Bella, sleep well."

I could not respond in words, I could only watch him leave, sure in that moment, that I was the first of my fears – I was a masochist who could only enjoy his presence regardless of the pain it would leave.


	5. Chapter 5: something I'd be good at

_**Disclaimer: I don't own the twilight universe I just live in it.  
I don't own the song/lyrics I just love them.  
they belong to S.Meyer and Tegan and Sara.**_

**_A/N: I hope you guys are enjoying the story so far. If you are lemme know. I would love that. _**

_Call, break it off  
Call, break my own heart  
Maybe I would have been  
Something you'd be good at  
Maybe you would have been  
Something I'd be good at  
_-Tegan and Sara, call it off

Devon came home late the next morning. I was in sweats and a long sleeve shirt as I lounged on the largest chair in our living room eating a bowl of cereal. My head snapped toward the door as Devon stepped in.

"And how was _your_ night?" It was my turn to make her uncomfortable.

"Really _really_ good. Thank you for asking." I should have known she wouldn't be awkward. I slumped lower in the chair. "How about yours? Did you get to spend some time with Eddy?"

"Edward." I corrected. "And yes he walked me home. It was nice." I smiled as I thought of the night and the walk and the look in his eyes before my body over reacted.

"What's that look for?"

"What look? I wasn't giving a look." ...was I?

"The look like you've done something you shouldn't have and you wish you didn't but you're actually very happy you did. _That_ look. Believe me I _know_ that look."

"I wasn't giving _that_ look." I tried to sound as convincing as I could.

"You're a terrible liar." She accused.

"I know."

"It has to do with Edward doesn't it?" I didn't speak. "It DOES!"

"You liiiike him you want to kiiiiss him." She began to dance around like an idiot.

"No. I don't." My words were harsh. She examined my face seeing the truth there within my expression. I didn't want to kiss him again, I couldn't take the rejection that followed. She slowed her cadence of speech.

"No." She scanned my eyes, "You don't."

Time passed as we watched television.

"Oh my god!" Devon screamed.

"What?! What's wrong??"

"You already did!" Her eyes beamed from the realization. Her grin was spread wider when she saw my face mangle into shame.

"No." I tried to deny, there was no way she was buying it. "Yes." I admitted. She burst out into giggles.

"And I thought I should be ashamed of what _I_ did last night. Poor Mike." She settled slightly still smiling but in control of her laughter. "Who kissed who?"

"I kissed...him." my cheeks were burning, "It didn't last long. It was barely a kiss. He wants to be friends."

"And do you?...want to be friends?"

"Sure. I don't want to _not_ be friends." I didn't want him to disappear for a third time.

"What about Mike?"

"Mike...is still..." What about Mike? I _was_ sure I was fine with Mike as the boy for me – it was comfortable. I didn't have to worry or try to make him like me. He accepted me for who I was. And I did love him.

The way Edward made me feel was just a crush. It was no more than what a teenage girl feels for a big screen heart throb. He certainly had the looks for the part. He made me feel woozy, and nervous and lightheaded and special and blissful and...unexplainable. I loved that feeling. I gravitated toward it, I would hurt for it. But it would pass, it wasn't real – it couldn't be. Love like that was only in existence on tv and in the pages of a heroine novel. It would pass and Mike would not have to know – I would not hurt him. He loved me.

"He's still there. That hasn't changed." She didn't seem to approve.

"That isn't fair to Mike, if your feelings have changed he should know."

"They haven't changed." That much was true. I felt the same about Mike as I ever had – I just never expected to find that something more. "Nothing is going to happen between me and Edward. So there's no point in worrying Mike." I wasn't going to discuss this further. "I'm going go out for a walk. I'll be home later."

I grabbed my purse and rushed out the door slamming it behind me. I began to walk, at first with no direction which slowly turned into a heading toward Mike's apartment building.

"Hi. Sorry I didn't call."

"No problem come in." He shut the door behind me. No more words were spoken once the door was closed as I silenced his lips with mine. I needed him to comfort me. I was confused and afraid – confused 

by this overwhelming _need_ to be near Edward and afraid that it really _wasn't_ going to go away. I needed a piece of reality to hold me down to earth.

I had never been happier to have safe-Mike nor more devastated that he wasn't someone else.

_**later**_.

"You know who I saw the other day at the center?" Mike asked as he set the table for the chicken dinner I had made.

"Who?"

"That kid Edward Cullen." I was caught off guard by this. I did not want my world of reality and Mike to come together with my world of make-believe and Edward.

"Ow. Ow. Ow." I had sliced my finger quite well while trying to cut tomatoes for a side salad.

"You okay babe?" Mike rushed over to check my wound.

"I'm fine, yeah. Just don't eat those tomatoes – unless you like the taste of blood." I ran my finger under the faucet and had to steady myself with Mike's body to avoid passing out. As the bleeding stopped, the smell left and I was able to breathe again. "So you saw who?"

"Do you remember him? The kid who sat next to you in bio. He was only there a day or so. I guess you don't remember him distinctly." Poor naive Mike – no girl at Forks high school could ever forget a Cullen.

"Oh did you say hi to him?" Please say no. Please say no.

"Yeah. He seemed surprised to see me – kinda angry-looking. He's taking some astrosomething course at the U."

"Oh astro-something eh? Sounds cool."'

"Yeah I mentioned you were here too and he said we should all get together – a kind of reunion."

I stopped breathing. Edward and Mike in the same room? I did not like that idea at all.

"Is that okay? I mean you don't mind hanging out with Cullen do you?"

"It's just such a busy time of the year." I tried to salvage an excuse, "do we really have time?"

"Sure bells, he didn't even want to go out for food. Just some time to catch up on home." I knew Mike wasn't a fan of any of the Cullens – especially Edward. He must be very home-sick right now to resort to hashing stories with a Cullen.

"Oh. Okay. I guess that's good then." My head felt light as it tried to sort out the event ahead of me. "When did you guys schedule this?"

"Next Thursday."

Next Thursday it was then. Great. I couldn't wait.

The next days flew by without the proper time to prepare it was Thursday and I would have to reconcile reality with fantasy – humanity with godlike perfection. I would not be an easy task. Edward was coming to meet me and Mike at my house. I suggested the setting because it would be easiest seeing as Edward already knew where I lived and not where Mike lives.

Secretly I wanted Edward inside my space. I wanted him closer to my existence. I wanted his scent to linger on my chairs and his voice to flow through my house into my room. I wanted his mark left on my life. This seemed like the first step in that direction.

"Edward's here Bells." Mike called from the kitchen – which acted as a front entrance. I exited my room in order to meet my guest when he entered like a proper hostess. Devon followed suit, standing from her chair and making her way over to sit around the table.

The door was opened and there he stood – haphazardly leaning against the door frame. He put the rest of the world to shame. I noticed Devon straighten up as he came into her view and I realized she had never seen Edward Cullen before today. I assumed her response would be as every woman's would be and as mine still was. My heart began to speed up – erratic, butterfly pumps sent electrified blood through my body - tingling my fingertips. Was it not enough for him to be so devastatingly beautiful? Did he also have to be intelligent? And chivalrous? And kind? And perfect? _So_ unfair.

Devon forced her eyes away from his face to give me a huge smile and slight nod.

"Edward. Buddy. How you been?" Mike broke the silence as Edward entered my house.

"Very well and you?" Edward spoke with the cadence and vocabulary of someone fit for the early 1900's instead of the early 2000's.

"Great. Do you remember Bella?" I had not spoken to Edward since Mike had made these plans and I wasn't sure if Edward would play a long like we haven't seen each other for years.

"Yes. Swan, correct?" He gave me a sly crooked smile that fit him so perfectly.

"Yeah hi. Nice to see you again." He held out his hand to enclose mine within it shaking once, twice, three times before letting it go. If the electricity in the air between us had been enough to light a single light bulb when he came within feet of me than it would be enough to light all of Alaska when he touched me. Mike must be able to feel it too. "This is Devon." I motioned toward my friend, now standing.

"Very nice to meet you Devon, I'm Edward."

"Uh, yeah." She struggled for words, "like wise. I'm mean the nice to meet you part, not the I'm Edward Part. I'm Devon." I knew the feeling.

"Let's sit. Edward would you like anything to eat? Or drink?" I would be an accommodating hostess. I would show I wanted to be his friend. I would get through this night.

"No thank you Bella, I'm fine. So how have you been these past few years Bella?"

I was surprised he specified me, "Good." Edward took the seat on the left and Mike the seat on the right. Devon sat on the other side of a coffee table directly across from Mike. This left me closest to Edward. Was she trying to make this more difficult for me? Probably.

"And how is Charlie? Well I hope. Carlisle always had a fondness for him."

"Yes he's doing very well. He's still chief, still spends his weekends fishing and still worries about me way too much." I rolled my eyes at that last part. There was no need for him to worry – I felt too safe with Edward in my life.

"He should worry about you." There was a harsh sincerity in his voice that took me by surprise, "You're so far away from home. He doesn't know the people you will get involved with." He stared hard at me – momentarily leaving the other two in the room behind us as we entered a private sanctuary. There was a palpable sadness within his ochre coloured eyes. I wanted to know everything that hid behind them – to know and to make it better.

"I can handle myself." I responded to his statement in a voice just above a whisper. If he weren't the closest to me I wouldn't be sure he could hear.

"I'm not certain you can" He was smiling now – the sadness and despair leaving his face but not entirely – amused by a personal joke.

"She has me to keep her in line." Mike was joining the conversation now. I had to lean back as I had inadvertently bent toward my guest.

Edward looked at me as Mike said this. For a fraction of a second a scowl was present on Edward's perfect lips. He seemed to have a distaste for my _boyfriend_. The word felt awkward in my mind. He composed himself so quickly that if I hadn't been staring so unashamedly than I would have missed his frown.

"Yes. She is lucky to have you." He turned away from me and toward Mike, "I am sure there are number of men at this institution _dying_ to be able to be in your position." He didn't look at me when he spoke those words. And I was thankful for that – I would not have been able to handle the effect of his golden eyes while those words were said.

"I'd say I'm luckier to have her." I looked at Mike now too. He was staring at me with great big loyal Labrador eyes. "She's one of a kind. I love her more than anyone else could." I blushed at his words and prayed that the topic would switch from me soon. I looked away toward Edward expecting a response 

to Mike's words. Instead of responding he simply nodded. His eyes hard and distant – unreadable, he didn't want to give something away. His hands tensed into fists, the tendons below his pale skin tight.

"So Mike how is your mother? Is the company holding well?" Edward must have read my mind or wanted the subject to change for himself.

The rest of the evening went like this. Mike and I filled Edward in on the last two years in Forks without him. We told him about what Jessica Stanley and Angela Webber are up to this year. How our graduating class pulled "the most magnificent spectacle of a senior prank" – as Mike put it. And how we ended up at the University of Alaska...

"I came here because she came here." Mike pointed to me.

"Don't blame me." I shook my head, "you could go wherever you wanted."

"But you were coming here. So did that really give me a choice?" I just shook my head again – trying not to feel the tension between me and the auburn-haired boy across from me.

"Then Bella the real question is why did you come here?" He looked at me, trying to decipher the answer from my eyes.

"I don't know." I answered truthfully, "Lord knows it wasn't the weather." I tried to joke but Edward was not in the teasing mood – his face remained stone set.

"Then why?" Edward probed again – an almost desperation in his tone.

"I just felt a..."I needed to find the right words, something strong enough to explain myself, "a pull to this place. Like some part of me needed to be here like I was missing something in me and I was going to find it here." I looked down at my hands. I must have sounded idiotic. "I don't know," I repeated, "I just _needed_ to be here."

I looked up then to see Edward staring at me full on in the face. Any answer he was looking for I am sure he found. I was an open book to him and in that moment as I once again left the company of Devon and Mike and continued on into Edward I realized the answer to his question. It was him. I needed to find him – to be with him. He was calling me here – the pull toward him brought me all the way from Forks and I would not – could not – let it go. He would not let me go.

I was in too far. Any amount of realization on my part would not be enough to change his mind though. He wanted to be _friends _and though I now grasped the agony this would entail on my part. Always wanting more – never letting him know – it was still not enough for me to want to end things with him.

I felt the silence around me, "I must sound crazy." I shook my head trying desperately to banish the tears that were threatening to spill over.

"No. Not crazy." It would only be right that Edward be the one comforting me, "Sometimes that happens. We are drawn to things we don't understand." He added just above a whisper so that I was sure it was only me who could hear, "things you shouldn't be drawn to."

I would never understand him for as long as I lived. His words were always cryptic – leaving me confused - and wanting more. That must be his strategy. And it works so I guess I can't blame him.

The rest of the night went off without any more double meanings or confusing sub-context. And I was thankful when it finally ended. Edward got up to leave and both Mike and I walked him to the door – Devon bailed out hours earlier when she realized how boring we were. Once he left I walked back to the chair where he sat.

I plopped myself down – becoming enveloped in his scent. It was sweet and fresh and pure. Intoxicating in itself almost as much as Edward was himself. As I sat there I realized he forgot his scarf. He would be cold without it and I wouldn't feel right – as a hostess and friend – if he were out on the street cold.

"Mike I'll be right back. Edward forgot his scarf." I didn't wait to see if he would realize that my excuse to see him again was shoddy at best, Edward could pick it up tomorrow.

I grabbed my coat and shoved on some boots as I ran out the door. It had only been a minute and the walk I once watched him take was a straight 200 yards before he turned. I should be able to see him, catch up or yell at him to stop. As I hopped down the steps taking two at a time I looked both ways down my road. I was sure that last time he turned left.

Where was he? He could not have been that fast. I was going insane and he was getting me there faster.

I stood in the middle of the street for what seemed like forever before I went back inside –his scarf securely hid within my coat.

"I'm tired I'm gonna go to bed." I kissed Mike on the cheek as I hurried past him. "Devon lock the door once Mike leaves" Devon was now perched in front of the TV.

I closed my bedroom door behind me. Leaning against it as I slid down to hug my knees. I then let my tears fall. One for Mike, one for me, and dozens for Edward.

I took off my coat, my jeans and my sweater replacing them with a holey t-shirt. I took Edward's scarf from the sleeve of my jacket and held it close as I lay in bed. I was becoming obsessively depressing. And Creepy. But I didn't care.

"Hey Bells?"

I half jumped.

"Devon." I breathed a sigh of relief, I didn't want to talk to Mike, "You scared me."

"Sorry." She opened the door fully and crept inside sitting next to me on my bed. "You didn't tell me Edward looked like _that_."

"I didn't think it mattered." I would be the first to admit that Edward was downright gorgeous but more and more lately that seemed to be taking a back seat to his other qualities. His heart and soul were so good and so unadulterated it only seemed right they fit into a body to match.

"It _always_ matters when he looks like that." Devon was smiling now as the street lights streamed through my window lighting her face. "He likes you, you know?"

"Yeah I know. We're friends."

"No." She rolled her eyes. "More than that. It's obvious."

I didn't think it was obvious. Or even true. Why would he like me? Have you met me?

"I don't think so."

"It's true. Ask Mike" she said and I flinched slightly, "He was pretty pissed when you came in here."

"I didn't mean to..."

"Don't worry I told him he was exaggerating the details – that you didn't seem _that_ into Edward."

"Did you lie?"

"Through my teeth." Devon was silent. It was never good when she was silent, it meant she was thinking. "You can't do this to him Bells."

"I know."

"No." Her voice was hard. "I don't think you do. He worships you and you just _put up_ with him. It's not fair to him. You're going to hurt him more if you wait. It's not going to get better."

"It _has_ to Dev." I was crying again, "What else can I do?"

"Do what you know is right. You'll figure it out."

"GUH." I crashed my head into my pillow. "I need to sleep. I'll figure it out tomorrow."

"Yeah okay good night."

She got up to leave and I swung my legs onto the bed.

"And Bells?"

"Yeah?"

"_He_ does like you. So don't give up." She then shut the door leaving me in the dark, alone, with a scarf scrunched into the palm of my hand.


	6. Chapter 6:the best thing we've ever seen

**_Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the Twilight universe nor the song.  
Those belong to the S.Meyer and Relient K_**

**_A/N: fanfiction is a killer of studying time. Oh man.  
Sorry for the short chapter I will update againg soon. Reviews would be nice._**

_And I know that it's so cliché  
to tell you that everyday,  
I spend with you is the new best day of my life_

_And I'm breaking my back for a new improved way  
to let you know you're more to me than what I know how to say.  
_- Relient K, must have done something right

"No matter how long you stare at that screen your paper won't write itself" Edward spoke as he brought me over my second large coffee of the evening. He handed it to me with a smirk playing on his face. He loved to tease me and my ways of writing – staring at my laptop until inspiration hit – the process usually took a while.

"Shh – don't disturb me. You never know when I'll have my epiphany." My hair was pulled into a loose ponytail at the nape of my neck and I was clearly in need of sleep. Edward was the image of perfection with clothes displaying no wrinkles and hair elegantly dishevelled.

"You have to get some sleep. You look _terrible._" He laughed again, enjoying my misery too much. I looked tired in every sense of the word. I had been trying to write my final paper for my Shakespeare course for weeks with no great break-throughs coming. The lids of my eyes were drooping and my body slouched over the keyboard. At this late time the only evidence of Edward's fatigue were bags emerging under his eyes. They were darker than they were yesterday – I wondered if he had trouble sleeping last night.

"Thanks for that. Not all of us can look like a Calvin Klein model all the time." He rolled his eyes as if that dismissed the validity of my statement. "Did you sleep okay last night?" I asked – I was only being a concerned friend.

"My night was very restful, yes. Why do you ask?"

"Your eyes." I reached out my hand to stroke his cold cheek where the bruises had begun to form with my thumb. "They're darker than usual."

"Hmmm." He said thoughtfully, "I suppose I _could_ get more sleep." I nodded in agreement.

"So you excited for Christmas break?" I asked again, wanting his velvet tome to sore through the air.

"Very much so. Alice is coming up to spend it with me." He was always happy when he spoke of his family and especially when he talked of his favourite sibling – Alice. "She says it will be very _eventful, _is the word she used. I haven't seen her since before the school year began. I do miss them." I noticed he said them and not her. He didn't talk about his Forks family much and I wondered if thinking of them and that place brought some bad feelings back. I would have ask him sometime soon. "And you are returning to Charlie, correct?"

"Yep the flight is booked for the 18th. I can't wait for the great weather of Forks!" We both laughed at my remark.

"Will Mike be heading home at that time also?" His eyes tightened slightly as his tongue rolled over Mike's name. I felt a thrill go through me as I witnessed the physical proof of his jealousy toward Mike.

"He's done with exams on the 12th and didn't want to wait so he's leaving before me." I shrugged, "It will give me time to get him something. I haven't done any Christmas shopping – I'm hopeless."

"I could help you shop. If you wanted – once Mike has left." He added on the last part as an after-thought.

"That would be awesome." I looked at the screen in front of me. It was late and no amount of coffee was going to help tonight.

As if he read my mind he said, "Would you like to head home?"

"Yes very much. I'm starting to get Puck mixed up with Polonius – not good." We put on our respective winter shells and exited The Center.

The night was cold and the ground was covered with a layer of snow and ice. As I stepped out the Center's front door and onto the steps that lead away my foot found a patch of newly formed ice.

Sooner than I could steady myself the ground left from below my feet and my body flew through the air. Before my body came victim to gravity and my head to the ground I was caught. Two hands were cradling my head as his arms were steadying the rest of my body. He was so close to me. Closer than we had ever been before, every line of his body matched mine – he was touching every portion of my frame.

He stood up, moving me with him, into an upright position.

"Are you okay?" He questioned, clearly very worried about me – still holding me close.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I told him, "How did you catch me?" He backed off and we continued down the street.

"Knowing you Bella it was only a matter of time before you fell on the ice." He shrugged it off. "I'm always prepared – like a boy scout."

"You must have reflexes like a cat." I spoke as we continued to walk. "Like lion or something."

This made him laugh.

"What did I say?"

"Emmett has made that comparison before."

"That you're like a cat?" I asked amused by that – I liked Edward's brother that I didn't know. He seemed funny. "Why do you lie around all day in the sun?"

"No. Not the cat, the lion." I must have looked baffled so he continued, "When we wrestle. He says I attack like a lion."

This made me laugh.

"It is amazing how clearly you see me." He remarked shaking his head. I didn't know how to respond when he spoke like this. He was so hot and cold all the time.

"Is that a good thing?"

"For me or for you?" He glanced over at me and I stared at my shoes – determined not to _fall_ again. The emotion that that image of me _falling for_ and _into_ Edward made me blush more than I wanted him to notice.

"For you." I was always concerned about how _he_ felt. I already knew I was deeplybeyond the point of return with this boy – it was his feelings that were constantly wrapped up in mystery.

"For me, it's the most ineffable concept." He looked away, "For you, it's...not good. I can't seem to coax what's good for you and what's good for me together."

"I don't understand you Edward." I shook my head – he was causing a migraine to form. "_I_ think it's a good thing that I see you clearly, because obviously _you_ don't." I breathed out hard, "and I think at least one of us should."

We walk home the rest of the way in relative silence. I was thinking about the time to come in a week. Mike would be in Forks and I would be a state away with the boy who has haunted – or graced – my dreams since before I let him. There was so much unexplained about Edward. Something he was keeping from me made my stomach flip and butterflies explode from dormant cocoons. We were at my place quicker than I anticipated.

He walked me to the door like any gentleman would. "Good night Bella. Sleep sweetly tonight."

"You too. Sleep sweetly Edward." I reached into my bag to pull out my keys and instead got a handful of navy blue fabric. "Edward." I called after him. He turned immediately.

"Yes?"

I walked down the steps with my hand out stretched, offering him his scarf. "You forgot this the other night." He took the scarf hesitantly.

"Thank you Bella, but I don't need it." He assured me.

"Well what do you want me to do with it then?"

"Do you have a scarf?" He asked. Of course I did, I had at least 3.

"Not one I like." He took the scarf he had in his hands and wrapped it loosely around my neck, raising my hair as his hands passed behind my head.

"Then keep it. I don't use it, it will keep you warm." He smiled at me. "I would sleep better knowing you are nice and warm."

I smiled, "Well I do think you need better sleep so I guess I have no other choice than to keep it."

"Exactly."

I turned away and headed back to my front door. Before I went inside I turned to him,

"I would sleep better knowing what you mean." He was turned away from me and I said it at such a volume that I was positive he would not be able to hear me. Although he did not change his cadence as he walked I saw his head flick to the side when I had spoken. His arms stiff by his sides.


	7. Chapter 7: so come around

**_Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the Twilight Universe nor the song/lyrics.  
Those are the property of S.Meyer and Rhett Miller._**

**_A/N: another short chapter just some fluffy filler, that's why it's up so soon. The next one will take a while. Reviews? yes please._**

_No one else can fix me although sometimes my heart tricks me  
into thinking someone else will do.  
but you're the only one.  
You are the only one.  
_-Rhett Miller, Come around.

I was very restless at night as I tried to sleep. Sleep hadn't come easy to me since I had made the decision to break up with Mike. That decision was made nearly a month ago and I have yet to act upon it. Tonight it was not a nightmare that had awoken me, nor a bang on my adjoining wall from Devon – her signal to shut the hell up and sleep (usually her annoyance with me included Edward's name in repeat). It was a small tap on my window, a pebble or fingertip. I got up and searched for a bat or frying pan or something just in case it was a polite burglar who knocked before he entered.

I found an umbrella and headed toward the window. It was closed tightly to keep the winter air out. Outside a few feet away from the window with a hand full of rocks was Edward. Complete from head to toe in winter gear. It was a clear night and the moon shone on him creating a fantasy setting to match this fantasy creature. I opened the window slight enough so I could ask,

"Edward? What the hell are you doing here?!" I looked at the clock, "At 3 in the morning!"

"I couldn't sleep." He shrugged as if that was a reasonable explanation. "I want to show you something."

"3 in the morning!" I groaned.

"Please?" His – today topaz – eyes scorched and if it were possible would have melted the snow on the ground around him. He _never_ played fair.

"Fine. Meet me on the porch." I grabbed a heavy pair of sweat pants, a sweatshirt and my winter jacket before grabbing my earmuffs and scarf and exiting my house.

"What did you want to show me? It's freezing and I'm tired." I complained, "This better be good."

"I promise it is worth it." I knew he would be right – all he had to do was be there and it would be worth standing in the cold –loosing feeling in my toes. "Come here" He motioned for me to take the spot next to him on my front yard.

As I walked over I was taken aback by the perfection of the moment. His normally alabaster skin seemed to take on a blueish hue in the night light. He stood motionless like a statue of Adonis. The snow laying silently on the ground around us reflected the night's light onto his body's figure which was sadly lost in the size of his coat. The setting was dreamlike and I did not want to wake up.

"Look." He pointed upward and I now realized the reason for the beautiful lighting.

Above us shone the Aurora borealis. Bright blues and greens danced together in the sky above us. I had not yet seen the lights since my time here and it seemed appropriate that I experience something so beautiful with him.

"Wow. It's..." I watched the colours move, "wow."

"Do you know what causes them?" He asked with curiosity.

"No. I don't. I assume you do?" He laughed one soft laugh.

"Yes I do. Auroras are produced by the collision of charged particles from Earth's magnetosphere, mostly electrons." I enjoyed hearing him explain the wonder before my eyes. "When these collisions occur, that happens." He pointed above himself.

"It really is breathtaking." I said lowly.

"I thought you would appreciate it."

"I do. Thank you for showing me."

"I like to stay out late some nights and wait for it to occur – to think of the struggle and fight going on above between particles. With all the energy and force and" he stopped searching for the word, "figurative anger behind two particles coming together. They crash without precognitive thought into each other and what could be disastrous turns out beautiful. They create that together – something undeniable and _worth _it."

He was intense as he spoke. Each word ringing true in more than one way. Though I didn't fully understand his struggle I could sympathize with the tiny electrons above. The feeling of being throng together with something –_someone_ – unexpectedly. I just hadn't been able to see the finished product yet – the beautiful light show that was promised to follow after the growing pains of collision.

I tore my eyes away from the sky to look at the beautiful boy next to me –a new appreciation for the glow around him – courtesy of the borealis. I wanted so badly to know that he was feeling any small percentage of what I was feeling. There was no reason for him to feel that way toward me. I was nothing special. I knew it and I assumed that he did too. Still I hoped.

"When does Alice get in?" I asked casual.

"Tomorrow night at 11."

"Do you want company on the cab over?" I hoped he would say yes. Mike was already in Forks and had been for the past 5 days. Already the tie to him felt nonexistent.

I was terrible.

"I would love the company." He looked me in the eye, "but I'm not taking a cab."

"Oh." I was confused.

"I'm driving." I had never seen him in a car; it didn't ever seem to slow him down. He preferred to walk everywhere. I should have guessed that a Cullen would not be able to live without some sort of indulgence. They were rich after all.

"The Volvo?" curiosity struck me.

"No. An Aston Martin Vanquish." He lost me at Aston. "I would love the company, although won't you be leaving the very next day."

"6 hours later actually." It was so soon. I was excited to see Charlie. Yet not ready to leave. "I figured we could split the cab fare over than I could just wait there." I shrugged, "but if you're willing to drive all the better." I smiled.

"There's supposed to be a storm hitting tomorrow night." His brows furrowed with worry.

"I heard about that. Good thing I'm not afraid of flying."

"You never seem to be afraid of things you should be. It could be dangerous."

"It will be fine. How often does the weather station get it right anyway?"

"When I last spoke to Alice she said she saw on the news that it would be a bad one."

"I bet there won't even be a storm."

"I wouldn't bet against Alice."

"Watch me."

He eyed me curiously and smiled a crooked toothy grin. My heart sped up without my consent.

"You're strange Bella Swan." I was slightly hurt by his words.

"Is that a bad thing?"

"I didn't say that." He smiled again, this time bigger, it reached his eyes easily. "Go back to bed. You must be tired. And cold."

"I'm fine." I didn't want him leaving. Sadly my body had different intentions and I yawned unwillingly.

"Give me one reason not to pick you up right now force you back to bed." I couldn't come up with a reason to avoid the scenario he painted.

"You might drop me?" I tried.

"I think I could manage." He spoke, "you're what 110 pounds?"

"115" I corrected him with a scowl.

"I've beaten Emmett at an arm wrestle so I think I could handle you."

"No you haven't!" I replied in disbelief.

"Okay I haven't. But I still think I could manage you."

"Probably. I would put up a pretty good fight though I can guarantee that."

"I'm sure you would you silly stubborn girl."

My face contorted as I smiled while trying to hide a yawn.

"Sleep. I will call you tomorrow before I come pick you up." The prospect of seeing him again so soon made leaving him now easier to swallow.

"Goodnight Edward. I'll see you tomorrow." I walked back toward my door. When I glanced over my shoulder he was in the same spot staring again at the sea of lights above. "And thank you for waking me up."

"Not a problem." He turned his head toward me.

I went in then and tried, unsuccessfully, to fall asleep.


	8. Chapter 8: more like magnetism

_**Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the twilight universe nor the lyrics in the song.  
They belong to the awesome S.Meyer, Landon pig, and The Mithc Hansen Band (who are awesome)**_

**_A/N: reviews? please. _**

_It's not my desire; it's not my choice  
It's not intentional; I'm hypnotised by your voice  
The same old thing, but always new  
It's unbelievable how strongly I feel for...toward you  
_- Landon Pigg, Magnetism.

My bags were packed and I was ready for Forks. I was excited for time away from Edward in order to clear my head and think straight – something which was not possible with him near. The sky was looking murky but it had not yet started to snow. I hoped it would hold off until my plane left. Over the break my super, Lola, was repainting my kitchen and living room and I had told her I wouldn't be here for two weeks. If my plane gets postponed then I will have to sleep in the airport. I was not looking forward to that possibility.

My cell phone began to ring.

I search through my purse to find it and hurl it to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Good evening Bella." His voice sent a shiver down my spine.

"Hey Edward."

"I'm outside."

"Okay I'll be out in a second." I hung up and grabbed my suitcase as I headed for the door. I opened it to find him waiting there.

"I thought you could use some help with your bags."

"Oh." He took them from my hands before I could respond, "thanks." I followed him toward his car.

It was ostentatious to say the least. It seemed completely appropriate for him to drive. Mysterious, fast, _gorgeous_. I didn't even like cars but this one even took _my_ breath away.

"Nice car." I complimented him as I got in the passenger door. He smiled my favourite smile.

"Thank you." He closed my door before circling the car to enter his own side. "It's nice for driving fast."

The drive there was quick. He was right it did go fast. Outside the weather was getting worse and worse. If I weren't next to Edward at this moment I would be terribly depressed.

Alice's flight was on time and I hoped that it would land soon before the weather got dangerous.

We walked toward her gate in silence – people pushing by us to get to their own loved ones in this season. We sat in the waiting area for Alice to land.

"The rest of the family's not coming?" I asked.

"Carlisle and Esme are visiting with Emmett and Rosalie back in Forks. Jasper is staying with them."

"That's exciting." I looked at my feet prepared with rain boots for my return to Forks. "You know I've never _really_ met Alice."

"You will like her. I am sure of that." I could see him smiling from the corner of my eye.

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because you Bella, are kind, because you are funny, because you are intelligent, because you are selfless. Because you are." He let the last statement go unfinished as if that was enough of a complete thought to let it dangle. I looked up through loose hairs which had fallen out of a messy bun.

He lifted his hand to gingerly place my too-long bangs behind my ear. Barely touching me though I was sure I could feel the ice cold temperature he always seemed to have. His hand lingered near my face – daring me to move. I would not fall for it again – I was not that secure in myself, he would have to make the next move.

His hand quickly fell as if he were a young boy who was caught stealing cookies. My hopes _once again _let me down.

"They've landed," he whispered his velvet voice raising my just recently dashed hopes.

I didn't respond but instead stood to look for Alice. Despite her short stature picking out Alice in a crowd could never be difficult. In addition to being as strikingly beautiful as any other Cullen, Alice's fashion sense was more suited for the catwalk than the sidewalk.

When Alice came into view she was wearing a black winter jacket with white tights. The outfit was completed with mock ski boots. She looked ready for the hills. She had only one carry-on bag with her. I was not expecting _that_.

I stole a look at Edward to see him beaming. He was truly happy to have Alice here – that was obvious. But there was something more – something was shared between these two that the rest of the world wasn't in on. I wanted to know their wonderful secret – whatever it was.

"Alice." He smiled and raced over – more quickly than I thought possible –to embrace his sister.

"Edward!" She matched his speed as they met a few feet away from me.

She turned toward me now.

"Bella." She was all smiles – almost as happy to see me as she was to see her brother. That's weird. "It's so nice to see you."

She walked over to give me an awkward hug, she felt very fluffy in her down filled jacket. "Nice to see you too Alice. How's school going?"

"Good. Nothing unexpected going on _there_."She giggled in her falsetto voice. Edward joined in. These two Cullens' could sell out amphitheatres with the sound of their laughter. I would buy season tickets. "And how are _you _Bella? How is U of A? Is it everything you were looking for?" She asked and my eyes could not help but to flash to Edward. They returned to rest on Alice as quick as I could manage – if she didn't see me look at Edward there was no way she would miss the redness that now stained my cheeks.

"Yes. Surprisingly it _was_ what I was looking for." I looked down then and mumbled to myself, "even for things I didn't know I was looking for." It was low enough that I was sure no human ear could hear.

Alice gave me another smile as Edward eyed her suspiciously.

"The weather is very bad out there." Alice informed as a matter of fact. "I don't think you'll be able to fly out tonight."

It did look worse out. However I had a few more hours. I would wait and hope for the best.

"If your flight _does _happen to get cancelled how will you get home?" She asked fishing for some information I wasn't clear of.

"I won't be going home. I don't have a home to _go_ to. My supers repainting this week." I explained. "So I guess I'll just stick it out at the hotel here."

"That _will not_ do." The little pixie looked horrified. "_If_," She said the small word innocently, "it comes to that you will come to stay with us. Right Edward?"

Edward looked dazed – as if he were concentrating on hearing some silent words. "Of course Bella. All that is mine is yours." His eyes smouldered and his voice melted – aside from the chill of his touch everything about him ran hot.

"Well that is very nice of you guys but I wouldn't want to be an imposition."

"Never –" Alice said but I cut her off.

"It probably won't even come to that. They don't close these big airports unless it's a _really_ bad storm. Like – " she cut me off this time.

"Like the kind that last 3 days." That was a specific way to end the sentence but I guess that's what I was getting at.

"Yes those kinds of storms."

Edward seemed annoyed by something Alice had done – maybe he didn't want her to offer his house to me.

"Either way. We'll wait for your flight." Edward settled our discussion. We found my gate with ease and sat in the chairs waiting. It must have been nearly 1 o'clock and I still had 4 more hours of waiting. My eyes began to battle against my lids – always loosing.

My head fell loosely onto Edward's shoulder. Beneath his jacket this shoulder was hard, not as comfy as a pillow but definitely preferred. As I drifted off to sleep I prayed that just this one night I would get through without saying _his_ name. With him so close I knew the chances of that were unlikely at best. Instead I settled on hoping I would just not say it _loudly_.

-- _sleep now and hold me tight everything will be alright _--

"Bella" someone was jostling me awake, "Bella wake up." It was Alice I must have switched shoulders at some point. I opened my eyes and looked around.

"Where's Edward?" My voice had a hint of panic I did not consciously allow creep in. Alice smiled at me.

"Getting the car." Did this mean my plane was leaving soon? That I'd have to leave these people soon? Would I not get to say goodbye to Edward. This upset me greatly.

"Is my plane boarding?" I asked.

"No." She said smug in her prediction. "It got cancelled because of the storm like I said it would."

"Lucky guess." This made her laugh right out loud. I didn't think it was _that_ funny.

"Come on. Edward's waiting outside." She grabbed one of my bags and led me toward the exit.

"Alice?" I was hesitant talking to her. She _was_ still a Cullen after all and therefore _very_ intimidating.

"Yes?"

"Where are all your suitcases?" I was confused by this earlier and hadn't gotten a chance to ask, "Aren't you staying for a while?" She laughed a soft laugh.

"Yes I'll be here for a while. I have my own closet at Edward's house prepared for my visits." I knew one carry on would not be enough, "And whatever I need that I don't have. Well..." She smiled again with anticipation, "shopping _is_ one of my favourite vacation activities." I smiled with her.

It was storming badly outside and I was thankful the car was in the parking garage so we didn't have to leave the building to get there. Edward took both suitcases of mine, one in each hand, and placed them in the trunk of his Vanquish. I tried to help but he wouldn't let me. He opened the passenger side door for me and I saw Alice was already seated in the back. I would have given her the front.

He did not smile at me as I got in the car but instead held my eyes with such an intensity that I was hypnotized by them – caught in their vortex.

I was heading to Edward Cullen's house. To stay with him. For possibly days.

As he shut my door and returned to his own side starting the car and driving away I was already starting to drift off. It was still not yet 5 in the morning. As my eyes closed I was sure of one thing. In the next coming days something pivotal was going to happen. We couldn't remain here in limbo. He would tip the scale and cross the line or I would try my best to quit this drug. Either way something big was coming.


	9. Chapter 9: you made it all good for me

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything in the Twilight universe. nor the lyrics to the song.  
Those belong to the lovely S.Meyer and Elisa.**

**A/N: THANK YOU SO MUCH TO ANYONE WHO REVIEW, FAVOURITED OR JUST READ. You guys are more awesome than Emmett making sexual innuendo. and THAT was awesome. **

_Stranger you look so different  
Some other thoughts fill up your mind  
And you just made it happen  
Got me thinking 'bout you __in my life__  
And now I hope that my wish's not too weak  
I hope that my will is enough, enough  
_-Elisa, Stranger

I awoke the next morning in a large pale yellow room. There was little light through the shades deceptively telling me it was night. I rolled over in what would turn out to be a king size bed. It took two more rolls for me to figure out where the alarm clock was. The bright red lights shone 10:06 am. The sun would be up soon and remain in the sky for about five hours. This took a while to get used to – the night becoming a close companion.

It took me a moment or two to realize where I was. It was clear I wasn't at home but my cloudy morning mind had not connected that I was in a Cullen residence. I hadn't remembered making the trip from Edward's vanquish to his house –that is when my heart fluttered and tripped recognizing that _he_ must have carried me in.

I was slightly upset by the fact I had slept through my time in his arms and a little more than jealous of my unconscious self. I sat up and tried to step out of bed quietly.

The floor was much lower than I expected and I thumped loudly to the ground.

"Ouch" I mumbled as I rubbed my elbow that had taken the most impact.

Before I could stand the door opened allowing streams of light from the hallway to enter. The figure moved like a ballerina in the dark – only more graceful – to my side in a second.

"Bella are you okay?" Alice's sing-song voice asked. I had wished another form was here caring for my wounds. On the other hand it _would_ be nice to get to know Alice. Maybe she could help me figure out Edward and his...hesitations.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I fell down often enough to tell when an injury was serious and when it wasn't. There would be a nice bruise but nothing too bad. "Just a bump. I didn't realize the bed was _so high._" I said and she chuckled in response.

"Are you hungry?" Alice asked, "I already ate but we have lots of food."

"Breakfast _is_ the most important meal of the day so I guess I better not skip it." She stood then and I followed suit – Alice leading out of the pale yellow room and into the hall.

I must have been in the far end of the ranch style house. We walked down a long hall passing one open door – the bathroom – and two closed. I had to guess those were Edward's and Alice's rooms. The entrance had its own inlet on the left. At the end of the hall an open concept kitchen/living space was located. There was a large fireplace in the corner of the room – a fire crackling away – a baby grand piano was few feet from the fireplace and the rest of the room was filled with comfortable chairs and a large sofa. The kitchen was state of the art and had a small island in the middle of the room to act as a dining area.

"What are you in the mood for?" Alice asked me. "Eggs? Pancakes? Waffles? Steak?" She continued her list.

"Do you have any cereal?"

"That's not very creative Bella."She retorted.

"It's too early to be creative. How can you be so energetic, you must not have gotten much more sleep than me." These Cullen's were very good with sleep deprivation I would have to learn their secret. "What's your secret?"

Alice's face was surprised and confused and a little..._worried?_

"I mean is it a lot of coffee or ...?" I tried to clarify.

"oh!" She smiled brightly at me, "No not coffee, I guess it's just in my genes."

She grabbed a bowl and cereal from the cupboard and the milk from the fridge. Handing me a spoon she sat watching me.

"What are you looking at?" I tried not to sound harsh.

"You." Her answer was short and confusing. Another Cullen trait I suppose – cryptic language. She was looking at me but almost past me – through me – to something else.

"Well it's kind of creeping me out." I spoke truthfully.

"I'm sorry." She seemed genuinely concerned she scared me or something. I laughed at the absurdity.

"What's funny?" She asked mystified.

"You." I shot her answer back at her.

"What about me?"

"You seemed worried just then," I smiled, "that you _scared_ me or something."

"And that's funny?" She still seemed confused.

"Yes it is. You're so small Alice and feminine and _small_. I don't think you could be frightening if you tried." She let out one hard laugh.

"Edward said you were different." Alice mused, "he was very right." I must have looked upset because she added, "He also said you were beautiful." just above a whisper.

"He did?" I breathed.

"Yes and again he was very right." Coming from a Greek god and goddess a compliment such as that was dumbfounded.

"Where's Edward?" I asked once I finished my bowl of cornflakes.

"He went out." Alice stated, "He had some errands to run."

"Oh. In a storm like this?" I didn't like the idea of him in danger.

"He'll be fine. He's a tough kid – made of stone that one." She seemed to tease her absent brother.

"What do you want to do today?" I asked Alice.

"I have some ideas." She blinded me with her gleaming white teeth and I was suddenly afraid of what this tiny girl had in mind.

"Whoa." That wasn't a strong enough emotive word. "This is bigger than my _room_!" I almost yelled.

Alice's closet was very impressive. Clothes were sorted by colour creating a rainbow of fabrics lining the walls of the large room. One wall was devoted to shoes, another to hand bags. I was never into shopping or clothes like most girls but the girl definitely came out of me when immersed in her closet.

"Now I can see the need for only a carry on." I shook my head in disbelief.

"Would you like to play dress up Bella?" She asked me hope filling her voice as she danced to my side.

"Uhm I don't think I'll fit into anything." I mused.

"I have some things in other sizes. Rosalie and Esme also keep clothes in here. There will be things that fit _I promise_." She seemed sure that of herself. Since last time I bet against Alice and lost I decided I would never bet against her again. I wasn't convinced entirely but I figured she would realize this after the first few outfits and I wouldn't need to hurt her feelings. And in the meantime I could find out more about my host, Edward.

She glided through the racks of material picking piece after piece of clothing. Blues and magentas and reds were tossed to me. By the end of her rounds I had nearly 20 outfits to try on. She then exited the closet and instructed me to show her every outfit once I had it assembled on me.

"So how's school going Alice?" I didn't even know where she was studying. No one dared ask a Cullen about their future plans. There were two options for their answers; either they would ignore you and your question or they would depress you with how pitiful your own future was.

"Very good." She answered. I exited in a sundress, which would clearly never be appropriate for Alaska. I didn't know why Alice would have it here. "Paris just _knows_ how to do fashion." So it would be option two...Paris?!

"You're studying in Paris?" My mouth hung open as she spun me around to look at the dress.

"That looks fabulous on you! You're keeping it. And just for the semester. It's an exchange thing."

"Oh. Do you miss your family?" I asked trying to close the gap between school discussion and Edward discussion as quick as possible. "It must be hard being away from Jasper."

"Jasper's taking a year off school actually so he stays with me most of the time." I could tell by the way she spoke his name the connection to Jasper was deeper than I understood.

"And the rest," I added exiting in a pair of dark denim jeans and red flowing tank top, "do you miss them?"

"Of course I miss Carlisle and Esme. But they call all the time so I keep an eye on them." She laughed. "And Rose and Emmett come to see me often." Why was she making this more difficult? "Hmm that colour doesn't work well for you." She sent me back in the closet.

"And Edward?" I finally said his name, "Are you still close with him?"

"Edward and I have a different relationship than I do with the rest of them." She seemed as cryptic as ever, "we see things differently than the others. I guess we see the big picture – what is to come instead of just immediate effects. It does make me sad that I do not get to be with him as often as before."

"Do you talk to him a lot?"

"Every day."

"That's nice at least." I said as a new outfit was picked apart by Alice's watchful eye – this one didn't have the right shape. "What do you talk about?" I wanted to know more about his life.

"Lots of things. His classes, his profs, my catwalks, Jasper." I stepped out in a deep blue dress. It was not formal but a notch above casual. It had a roman neckline showing my clavicle and remained close to my body before jutting out into an a-line skirt. "That," she shook her head, "that is _fabulous_ on you! I do good work." I blushed red.

I took a seat next to her on her own giant bed. I felt oddly comfortable with Alice. She felt more like an old best friend than new acquaintance. I looked down at me feet preparing to embarrass myself.

"Has he ever mentioned _me_?" I mumbled as quickly as I could. From the corner of my eye I saw her stare at me with the devotion and love you reserve for family.

"Don't be embarrassed by that question Bella." She assured me, "Edward wouldn't be embarrassed by the answer."

"And the answer would be?" I flinched internally.

"Yes Bella, he does talk about you." I looked up into her eyes – hauntingly similar to her brothers. "More often than he would appreciate me telling you about." She laughed.

"Really?" My eyes must have lit up like a child's on Christmas morning – only my gift was much better.

"Really. I remember the first day he saw you – at the center." I didn't know how that day would be memorable for him. I was the one who saw the boy that clouded my mind for months after only seeing him _one day_ in a stuffy biology room. "He called me once he got home. Saying he needed to leave." I was worried about the direction this conversation was taking. I didn't know if I wanted to hear any more. "He got on a plane that night and flew to Paris. He stayed with me for a full two weeks before he came back."

"He left the _country_ because of me?" Does this mean I _was_ the reason he left Forks?

"And _came back_ because of you. You wreck him Bella."

"I don't mean to." I tried to defend myself from accusations I didn't comprehend. "I don't understand." I was totally lost.

"You will. When _he_ tells you. It's not my job to pry into his life." Her hands were held up as if to remain innocent. Lord knows that wouldn't be true – she had sparked an imagination within me. Curiosity would grow until he had told me everything and I wouldn't leave until he did. Either way I won.

I sat there a while longer – my mind running trough endless scenarios with Edward of when I would confront him.

"He also told me about Halloween." She decided to add to the conversation just as I had forgotten she was there. "He was scared Bella. He was so...unequivocally _happy_ about what happened – that you felt something enough to show him. But he wasn't ready then."

My eyes failed me as the tears broke their barriers and began to fall.

"I think he is now." She said, completely sure of herself – stringing an arm around my shoulders to comfort me.

I whispered more to myself than Alice, "I _hope_ he is."


	10. Chapter 10: the way I've fallen for you

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the Twilight universe nor the lyrics to the song.  
Those belong to S.Meyer and Delta Goodrem**

**A/N: thanks for all who take the time to review. It really means alot to me. you guys can make a crappy day _alot_ better. :)  
This chapter got a lot of reworking. hopefully you guys like it. let me know. enjoy.**

_so unsure  
So unfamiliar  
Am I wrong to think that something could happen?  
Will you fall for me  
The way I'd like you to  
Will you fall for me  
The way I've fallen for you  
_-Delta Goodrem, will you fall for me.

It was then that Edward arrived back home, seemingly having waited for me to have my moment with Alice before he interrupted.

It was a moment after I heard the front door click shut that he was in the room's doorway. His eyes seemed to have a new vigour this morning – they were brighter than I remember from last night – a sea of liquid topaz. It made me more comfortable when he looked this way – it always meant that he was in a better mood.

"Speak of the devil," Alice said, a smile playing on her lips, "and he shall appear."

"I am as terrifying aren't I?" Edward asked to no one. I felt the need to defend him against himself.

"I don't think you're terrifying." I said simply. "In fact I feel safe with you." I added in a hushed tone.

"That shouldn't be true," Edward replied, "but I can't say I'm not happy that it is." He added.

Could this be the same Edward who over the past months had set _major _boundary line for us not to cross?

"So Bella," he began, "Since we have an entire day ahead of us, indoors, what would you like to do?"

I suddenly was very self aware. "I would like to change first." I sounded too horrified, "No offense Alice." The look of horror on her own face was comical.

"I can't help it if you have _no _sense of fashion. You look fabulous! Doesn't she Edward?" She turned to him suddenly, a momentary look of surprise playing in his eyes.

"Yes she does." He turned to me, "You look incandescent." My heart thumped erratically. "Blue is a very flattering colour on you." I knew Mike had it wrong – red was not my colour. No, red was passionate, explosive, things that Mike never was. Blue was calm, safe, comfortable, things that Edward already were to me, even without him knowing...although in the past few months _passion_ toward my friend was growing at too quick a rate.

I blinked once to release myself from his gaze and return to a coherent train of thought. "Thank you." I mumbled as my cheeks went down in flames.

I walked into Alice's closet to return to normal clothes. When I exited neither Edward nor Alice was present in the room. I hadn't heard any sound to let me know they left – another Cullen trait was added to the list – silence, like a ghost.

I found them down the hall in the living area. Alice was speaking to Edward – answering un-asked questions. They must be closer than I thought – they seemed to share a brain.

"Now that your first request has been met what would you like to do?" Edward asked.

"I don't care. Whatever you two would normally do on a day like today." I would be perfectly fine with admiring him for the day.

"Nonsense." He dismissed my thought. "What kind of host would I be if I acted as if you weren't here?"

I looked around the room taking in the elaborate wood work of the cabinets, chairs and coffee table, the beauty of the stain glass windows that hung above, and the smell of _him_ that enveloped the entire space. I could die happy here.

"You could play for me." I pointed to the piano in the corner. If he wanted to do what I wanted, I would want to know more fully who he was, to experience him. My time with him always seemed limited, like we were working against some predetermined obstacle.

"It's nothing more than a hobby." He assured me.

"I'm sure you're perfect." I assured him.

"He is." Alice agreed with me, "He even writes his own music"

"Impressive." I said, "Does that help you pick up chicks?" I teased trying to lighten the mood.

"I've never tried." He laughed, "I'll let you know though." I blushed as his eyes danced over me.

He strode over to the piano and I followed. He sat down gingerly – I took the seat next to him on the piano's bench. His hands hovered above the keys about to play and I watched them – observing the flow and strength of each finger as he played.

The music began hard and surprising – staccato beats flowed together with a complicated harmony underneath. It then continued higher into a fast past swirl of notes and emotion. A ride of ups and downs, left and rights. The music was confused – yet _sure_, conflicted – yet _fated_, wrong – yet _perfec_t. As it came to a close the notes grew quiet and came slower, when the final note had been played he took a deep breath.

This helped me remember to breath. He did not look at me as he said, "I wrote that this year. On a Monday. The first day of classes actually." He turned then to look at me, his hands coming to rest on the bench beneath us – less than an inch from mine. "Did you like it?"

The first day of classes was when I had first spotted him at The Center. Although I had always loved music and its power, truth, and emotion. I was sure I had interpreted his song wrong. Because what it made me feel...what it would mean for him to write it _that day_...it was _not _possible.

"It was..." I couldn't explain. I sensed the cool feel of him next to me penetrating my thin sweater. Instead of flinching away from the cold, like any normal person would, I was suddenly drawn to it. "Edward..." I whispered his name – full of longing. My hand twitched as I reluctantly reached for his closing the small gap. What I expected to be cool hands were almost as cold as ice. He didn't pull away but he didn't respond right away either. So I took this as permission as I turned toward him. I didn't care if Alice was still in the room or if Mike was still in existence, all that mattered was him.

His eyes were locked on our hands, intertwined tightly as if they were trying to hold onto to reality. I took this time to appreciate the moment – in case it would end like last time had. My heart thumped loud in chest – I was sure he could hear what he caused in me. When his eyes finally rose I stared into them – trying to decipher what his thoughts were – as he so often did to me.

My breath staggered as my eyes darted to his lips – his caught in his throat. Our bodies were already close together so it was not difficult for me to close the small space between us.

Our lips met in unison this time. It was a good start, he had leaned forward too. His lips were as smooth as I remembered and just as cold. I could not fathom how a warm shower could be relaxing or a hot pack could be therapeutic, at this moment I was sure there could be no better feeling that his ice cold lips on mine. Their movement was simple, cautious, quiet. He did not pull away but he also did not push further. Unwilling to break the bond of our clasped hands my spare hand coiled up his body and into his hair.

I began to feel confident as his spare hand grasped my waist tightly. I opened my mouth – pushing the limits – tracing his bottom lip. The taste was addicting and I wanted_ more._ This was when he broke away.

I sucked in a deep breath – realizing I needed oxygen from my short stint of surviving off him. He had not taken a breath as I sat gasping. Although this kiss had ended much like the last – an abrupt halt from him – it was not the same. He kissed back. There was no doubt in my mind this time that he had wanted it too. The proof was wedged between us – our hands still joined in witness to what had happened.

"Bella..."he sighed my name but did not say anything further. His breath encompassed my world as he spoke making forming rational thought difficult.

"I'm sorry." I felt insecure again – back to normal Bella – was he regretting it? "I guess...that was an...I'm sorry I keep doing that to you."

"Doing what?" He responded quizzically.

"Attacking you." I stated. He laughed softly.

"That's the least of my concerns over things you do to me." His eyes peered into mine – pleading – his voice low – desperate.

My voice broke, "What else do I do?"

"You, Bella," he began, "have ruined me. I had a path set out for myself – a path that kept everyone safe." Was he worried about me being too involved with him again? If he was, he probably did have a point but I didn't want him to notice my obvious obsession with him. "I was doing fine, avoiding things that would cause me to falter, avoiding you." Now I was confused. "I left the state and you manage to find me!" The voice was playfully accusing with disbelief.

"You left Forks..." I could not believe it, "because of _me_?"

"Yes, because you are different than anyone else in existence – in the history of existence." _I_ didn't think I was that special. "It was for your own good." He continued, serious, "I'm not good for you Bella."

"I think you are." His hand finally left mine and my eyes darted to my now cold hand. Tears playing at the corners of my eyes. "Edward," I began to beg with unknown reason, "please don't say that. I don't know why you left or what you are talking about but I don't think you're right." He stayed silent. "It feels right when I'm with you. I feel happier, safer, more complete when I'm with you." He smiled despite him self – it was small but I was sure I saw it. "I think..." I breathed deeply, "I think we're _supposed_ to be together. I don't know why but I felt _something_ pulling me here...and think that was _you Edward_." His face looked pained as I spoke. "I know it was you. So whatever you're struggling with...if you think I like you more than you like me stop worrying about my feelings–"

He cut me off. "You think I'm worried about _hurting your feelings?_" He laughed again. I was silent, too confused to catch onto the joke.

"You aren't?"

"Well of course I am Bella. I would _never want to hurt you_. In any way." His laugh stopped. "But it isn't just your feelings I am worried about. It's you. _All of you._"

"I don't understand." I shook my head trying to clear it.

"You have Mike anyway," he tried to deter me. I shook my head no vigorously.

"I know I'm not that good of an actress Edward. He might try to convince himself he doesn't see it but he does. And you do too. It's not the same with Mike. I'm not the same. You make me better." I said, my bleeding heart displayed on my sleeve for the world to see. "I will break up with him right now if that will make a difference. I'll call him at home."

"I don't want you to do anything you'll regret Bella." He warned me, trying to look out for my best interest.

"I won't." I tried to sound convincing.

"What time is it?" He asked abruptly.

I looked at the clock above his head. "1:30."

"So the sun is still out for a while." He mused.

"Yes. Edward what does that have to do with _anything_?" I demanded. I still wanted to know why he thought he would hurt me.

"I want to show you something before you decide to throw your life away for me. Stay here."


	11. Chapter 11: you are the only one

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything from the Twilight universe nor the lyrics to the song.  
Those belong to SMeyer and Jaymay.**

**A/N: Today is Canadian Thanksgiving. So happy thanksgiving everyone! I am thankful for amazing people who review  
And for SMeyer's great characters whom I love to play with. And for RPattz. ;)**

_The first time that I met you I knew  
One day I would know you even better  
When people tried to tell me "Do not fall for him"  
I told myself "Don't let them get to you"  
You are the only one I love  
You are the only one I love  
You are the only one I love to love_.  
-Jaymay, you are the only one I love

Edward got up and moved to the window. The long curtains were closed – blocking the light from entering. I hadn't notice until now that every window in the large living space was completely covered – all the light was artificially created.

He stood beside the largest window in the room – the floor length fabric in his hand.

"Bella," Edward was nervous – I had never seen him struggle for words, it seemed odd for him to now, "I haven't been completely honest with you." My heart sped up as I began to conjure up the worst possibilities. He has a girlfriend – hiding behind the curtain, he's a lunatic – and he wants to take me hostage with the curtains, he _really_ _doesn't_ _want me_ – and the rest of the world lies behind the curtains. It scared me to think that of these three the third was most unwanted. "I'm not who you think I am. I'm not _what _you think I am..."

"What Edward" I hated to see him struggle – to see him hurting. "You can tell me. I promise I won't laugh or scream or whatever you're worried about."

"Bella I'm not human." He said into the curtain. The words were muffled and I didn't believe them.

"Beg your pardon?" Was he _serious_?

"I'm not human Bella." He still didn't look at me. "I'm a..." he cringed at the word, "vampire."

I broke out laughing. Fits of giggles erupted from me, he could _not _be serious. Was I supposed to believe this?

"I'm sorry," I tried to breathe, "I said I wouldn't laugh but Edward _really?_ If you didn't want to go out with me you didn't have to make up something like _that_."

"I hoped you would react like this, it's better than running in terror. It is still a snow storm out there, I wouldn't want you to get hypothermia. That is why I will show you."

His lean fingers tensed around the fabric as he pulled back the curtain. The second the rays of sunlight hit his alabaster skin it erupted into a rainbow of light. Diamonds seem to sparkle on his skin – the amazing dazzling ability of Edward Cullen no longer just a metaphor.

"How..." I was sure this wasn't normal for a human...but I had never heard of a vampire _sparkling_ before. "Aren't you supposed to burst into flames or something?"

He laughed once, "Urban legend."

"Maybe it's just paint." I was still sceptic. It wasn't like he had stalked his pray – which I quickly realized would be me – or changed into a bat or lifted a car in front of me. All he did was sparkle.

"Stay still." Even though I thought Edward might have gone crazy I still obeyed his devastating eyes. I took a deep breath and held as still as possible. In a fraction of a second Edward was beside me – his hands in around my waist – his arms encompassing me in an iron cage. We moved then – at a speed too fast for humanity – to his room. If I would have blinked I would have missed the move. However I didn't blink and I saw the room pass by in a blur. I felt sick as he came to a stop.

He walked slowly – at human rate – to the couch in his room. He set me down on the couch before _running_ to the far side of the room – creating the most space between us as possible.

"I feel sick." I told him honestly. "That was fast..._you_ were fast." I corrected myself.

"Put your head between your knees." Edward instructed, "It should help with the motion sickness." I tried to concentrate on my breathing to calm myself until I realized I was gasping for air unevenly. I settled instead on concentrating on Edward breaths, smooth, calm. In, out. In, out. I gained control of myself before looking up to him. He stood in the corner – a lost broken boy. I wanted too much to go over to him; to hug him and kiss him and make it better even now, when I knew..._what I_ _knew_.

"So..." I tried to sound nonchalant. "You're a vampire?"

"I am." He sounded ashamed.

"And you can run really fast?" I asked.

"I can." His mood lightened slightly.

"And you sparkle?"

"I do." He laughed once, but it didn't sound convincing.

"Can you change into a bat?" I asked embarrassed by my lack of vampirian knowledge.

"No. Another urban legend."

"Oh...Do you..."I tried to ask the most difficult question, but settled for a different one, "Is there anything else you can do?"

"That's not what you were going to ask." He shot back at me quickly. I knew I couldn't lie and Edward seemed acutely attuned to me – like a human lie detector.

"No, it wasn't." I might as well be honest. "But I am still curios."

"Well my kind have certain gifts..." He trailed off deciding whether or not to say something. "to help us hunt." He finally ended.

There was the subject. I winced.

"We have speed, strength, increased sensitivity of the senses." He listed off, "some are special. Some have other gifts."

"Are you part of the some?" The weight of the conversation had not hit me yet.

"I am. I can hear what people think." He said softly – the distance between us unchanging. My cheeks went bright red as I imagined all that he could have heard over the past months. Oh my god. He must think I'm pathetic!

"_Oh God_." I whispered harshly. I started to feel faint again.

"What happened?" He was worried about me – though not enough to make the distance between us any smaller.

"Nothing." I turned away from him.

"Please tell me."

"Like you don't already know." I scoffed – offended by my lack of privacy. He looked at me – confusion playing in his eyes. "You really don't do you?"

"No." His voice was hard – he was clearly frustrated by this fact. "You, Bella Swan, are the only person in the entire population who evades me in that way."

"Thank God for that." I inwardly sighed in relief.

"Why do you say that?" He asked.

"Privacy in my own mind is something I rather like." I stated.

"Your biggest concern with what I've told you is _your privacy_?" he was surprised – upset? – by this.

"Yes. I don't want you to know what I'm thinking." I huffed.

"Bella you are so _strange_!" He shook his head and began to pace, anger making his voice rise only slightly, "I do not understand you! Don't you see I could _kill _you? Do you have any sense of self preservation?"

He was breathing more heavily for him – now stopped and still as a statue.

"I told you," I began, "I feel safe with you."

"And that hasn't changed?" He asked – confusion and desperation playing in each word.

"I don't think so."

And it hadn't. Despite the danger he presented in theory, I wanted nothing more than for him to stop fighting – to give in. My logical mind was not thinking clear today and the emotional side was winning – this didn't happen often. I took pride in my responsibility – but with him I could not control what I felt any more than a flamingo controls being pink or a fish to swim. It was set into motion long ago in a small cafeteria in Forks Washington. I was doomed from the very beginning. He pulled me here, he forced me to grow, he _changed_ who I am. If he was what I was doomed for than I would take my sentence gladly.

"I may not be able to read your thoughts." he said softly, taking only one step closer. "But I can guess with a large certainty that earlier you wondering..." he searched for the right word, "about my diet."

I swallowed loudly, a weak "Yes" was all I could muster.

"Well some – most – vampires _do_ feed on human blood –"

I cut him off. I had already heard enough to hope. "So that means some don't?"My eyes were wide, tears threatening to betray me.

He shook his head in confirmation. I continued, "Are you part of _that_ some too?" The question was so low that I was sure if he did have super hero hearing it would not have been heard.

"Do you know what colour my eyes are?" He had the strangest trains of thought.

"Yes, they change sometimes but today they're a bright honey colour. Some days they are darker though."

"Our eye colour depends on our diet. If I were a murderer my eyes would be a bright crimson today after feeding instead of the colour you see." He explained.

"So you're one of the good guys?" I stated simply.

He laughed, "I don't think I would go that far. I just don't want to kill – I'm no superman."

Why did he always put himself down?

"Does your family know?" The laughter began again only this time he was accompanied by Alice who entered the room. It hit me then. "Oh."

Alice _ran_ over to me. My human eyes could barely see the blur of her.

"Bella! I'm so glad you know _finally!_ I thought Edward was _never_ going to tell you." She gave me a hug then and I realized the temperature of her cold arms – the same as Edwards hands had always been – another family trait I now no longer merely _assumed_. She leaned close to me to whisper, "I was going to tell you soon anyway."

Edward snarled, "No you weren't."

"You couldn't blame me for doing it. You were keeping me away from my rightful _best friend_. Unfair!"

"Best friend? I mean I really like you Alice...more than any other girlfriends I have...but how did you know we'd even ever meet? It was by chance that my plane was cancelled."

"Remember I told you about the extra gifts some have Bella?" Edward chimed.

"Yes." I replied.

"Well Alice is another lucky individual." He did not explain further so I turned toward his pixie sister.

"I can see things that could happen. It's all very conditional though. I can see the future as long as the person has the decision to do something set in their mind."

"So you're like Mrs. Cleo?" I asked dumbfounded.

"Something like that." She twirled me around "Anyway I can also see weather patterns and I knew the plane wouldn't be able to take off. So I decided to ditch Jasper and come see you!" He white teeth shined as she beamed at me.

"So you planned this?" I shot at Edward.

"Not planned per say," he started, "more like hoped."

"Once he decided to tell you I tried to convince him you wouldn't react badly but he wouldn't believe me." Alice explained.

I was hurt that he expected so little of me. "You thought I'd react badly?" my voice was weak, "what defines badly?"

"Well you're still here, that's good." He began, "you're not screaming or running or even nervous..." He moved closer to me, his head lowering to come next to mine, "well your heart rate _was_ normal." He laughed.

"_You_ can be blamed for that one." I was still confused, "you thought I'd run? Away? From you?"

"Yes Bella of course I did," he spoke. Alice had once again slipped out of the room, "I'm a _monster_ straight out of a horror movie." He shook his head with disgust. "_I could hurt you._" He whispered ashamed. "You should run. There's a part of me that wants you to leave so you can be safe."

"Oh." I was hurt, insecure Bella couldn't take that admission. "I'll go if you want me to –"

"No." He cut me off, "that's just a part, and the longer you stand here, with me, the smaller that part gets." He locked my eyes into place with his. "Bella I don't want you to go."

"I won't" was all I could promise, he had this annoying habit of making me incoherent.

"I don't think I could stand not being near you." He said, his words dripping with blatant truth. "It was fine when I left Forks, all I could remember was _wanting_ your..." he trailed off. _Blood_. I finished in my mind. "but now, though that's still there, I wouldn't be able to live without _you_ – despite the pain."

"That's a little masochistic, don't you think?" I asked lightly. I needed light, I couldn't breathe.

"It's very masochistic." He replied. "And you don't you think it's a little stupid to be with me?" he joked.

"No." I replied seriously. "I think it might be the least stupidest thing I've ever done." We both laughed at the horror of my grammar.

"So you're not going to run away?" he asked, still in disbelief.

"Not from you." I answered and he smiled – crooked smile so perfect I couldn't help but smile along.

"So maybe you should call Mikey now." He said deviously, "if you want of course."

I flinched at what I had no choice but to do next, "Where's the phone?"

**A/N: I'm thinking of making a fanfic fanmix for you guys to download all the songs I've used in this fic once I'm done. Would any of you guys be interested in that?**


	12. Chapter 12: this modern love

**Disclaimer: Still don't own anything.  
They still belong to S.Meyer. and the lyrics to Bloc Party  
**

**A/N: sorry for the long distances between posts. It's midterm time right now. I have three next week. So it might be a while. please be patient. :)  
Hopefully you guys like this. reviews are awesome guys, please & thanks.**

_Baby, you've got to be more discerning  
I've never known what's good for me  
Baby, you've got to be more demanding  
I will be yours  
I'll pay for you anytime  
-Bloc Party, this modern love._

_Ringgggggg._

_Ringgggggg._

_Ringgggggg._

"Hello?"

"Hi Mrs. Newton, it's Bella." I began

"Oh Bella! How are you when is your plane getting in? Are you alright up there? Must be lonely."

She strung together thought after thought.

"Uhm yeah actually I'm staying with a _friend_ for now."...Alice was a friend... "Is Mike there?" Please say no please say no.

"Yes just a sec I'll get him." I then felt the cool touch of Edward's hands behind me on each of my shoulders.

"Thank you Mrs.Newton." I spoke. Edward's face was very close to my own, his nose buried in my hair, his lips playing above. I could not take this. "I'm sorry but could you stop that for a while."

"Am I bothering you?" His velvet voice drifted into my ears.

"Not bothering me, but it is a little _distracting_." He laughed once.

"Bella?" Mike chimed into the phone.

"Mike, hey." I breathed and Edward let me go, with what I could only assume was triumph playing on his lips. He didn't yet realise that I was the one who had won.

"Bells! Thank god! I was beginning to worry you were eaten alive!" He said. I couldn't help but laugh. If only he knew how close to the truth he was. Edward eyed me suspiciously. I waved me hand to show him it was nothing. "So when's your plane landing?" Mike continued

"Actually I don't think I'll be home till Christmas." I could not miss Christmas with Charlie but I would prolong the time alone with Edward. It would be weird enough come second semester when Mike is back in Alaska with us.

"Why so late? Is everything okay?" He was so worried. Which made this even harder. I did love him but not enough. He was a friend – one of my best friends – and I didn't want to hurt him. But waiting was only prolonging the inevitable.

"Everything's fine. It's just..." as tears began to collect in my eyes Edward took my hand – just one hand as to not sidetrack me like I requested – this gave me the nerve to continue. I could do this. He was worth it. "I think we need to talk...about...about us."

The receiver was silent.

"Mike?" I was worried about him. Was he still there?

"Yeah I'm here." He said lowly, "What is it?"

He was making this hard. I knew I wouldn't have been able to handle it face to face. "Mike." I began the practiced speech I had created, "You know you mean the world to me. You're my best friend. You've been so loyal and kind and loving. And I love you for that but..."

"No buts Bella." He sounded like he was sobbing into the phone, "_please _no buts."

My own tears began to fall and before I could reach my hand up to dry them some else already was – erasing the proof that they were there at all.

"I'm sorry Mike." I tried to say without my voice breaking – I failed at this.

"What can I do? I'll be better. Give me another chance." He was almost begging. It was heartbreaking.

"Mike I could say yes. I could let you try to make it better. But I would just be lying to myself and to you. I know right now I'm not your favourite person but I don't want to hurt you more."

"I don't think you could hurt me _more_." He scoffed. "Bella I don't understand, I've given you so much – all of me. I went to frickin' _Alaska_ because of you. And you're just dumping me like _this. Over the phone, days before Christmas._" I was weeping now full heartedly. He was right I was terrible.

"I'm sorry Mike." I couldn't say anything else.

"Who are you with?" He demanded, his voice no longer sad but angry now.

"What does it matter?" I didn't want this to be about him. I didn't want to associate this heart break with him.

"My mom said you're staying at a friends'. Is this _friend_ a certain pale, red haired _freak_?"

"He's not a freak!" I shot back before I could stop myself.

"So you are with Cullen?" He sounded horrified. I couldn't answer. "Fine then Bella. If you want to be with a guy _like that_. He's going to get rid of you as soon as he's done. He doesn't love you like I _do_." I noticed he didn't say did. He kept it in the present tense and that hurt even more than if he didn't love me after all this.

"I'm so sorry Mike." I tried to say again – to get him to realize how sorry I truly was. "Can you ever forgive me?"

"Huh, not likely." He mocked. "When he does hurt you though...I'll be here. Just don't expect me to talk to you or like you, for a long while."

"I know." I couldn't have both. He sighed heavily into the phone, then I heard a click.

"Good bye Mike." I said out loud to no one – he had hung up.

I closed the cell phone and laid it on the table nearest me.

I cried then. I let all the tears I had tried to hold in while talking to Mike fall. I wasn't crying for what I lost because I was _sure_ without knowing why that I was gaining something so integral to my life that I was destined to be here. I was crying for who I had to hurt in order to gain that. I was crying for the relationship that I ruined. I cried for the overwhelming uncertainty that the future now held. When I was done, when each tear that needed to fall had been shed he was beside me again. I small smile on his lips, this one not of triumph but of understanding.

"What, no happy dance?" I teased. I always knew he didn't like Mike. That was obvious.

"I don't like to see you hurt. Even if I do benefit greatly by what you did." He tucked a loose piece of hair behind my ear. I shivered at his touch. "I'm sorry." He apologized and pulled his hand away quickly, "I can't control the temperature."

"Don't be sorry." I said as I grabbed his hand in both of mine placing it against my cheek, forcing him to cradle my face, "I'm pretty sure your touch would cause me to shiver even if your temperature ran hot instead of cold." He smiled his smile at me – crooked and beautiful.

"Thank you." He said simply, into my ear.

"For what?" I asked

"For letting me be near you." He began to place a kiss on my jaw line, "For accepting me." His eyes blazed before his face bent again placing a kiss on my forehead. "For hurting for me." This time his face didn't bend but instead he gazed into my eyes seemingly asking for verification that I had chosen him.

"I'm not hurting for you." I tried to comfort him, placing each of my hands on his chest. "Actually I can't remember a time when I've been happier." I smiled fully to show him my truth.

He stayed still – not creating contact between us aside from my hands. I was not a seductress by anyone's standards but I wanted him so badly – I tried my best.

"I could be happier though." I said my cheeks flushing red. "You could make me happier."

"Anything."

"Kiss me." I whispered, staring at his chest, imagining the body beneath his charcoal coloured sweatshirt.

He placed another kiss below my ear.

"Happy?" He asked.

"Could be happier." I spoke softly.

He placed a kiss on my cheek.

"And now?" he spoke, his voice unintentionally seductive.

"Getting there."

He then met my lips eagerly. This time I understood his cautions and apprehensions. I tried to be considerate of him – of me – but once our lips met all precognitive thinking was out the door. I couldn't be held accountable of my actions. I let myself melt into him – somehow ice was given the ability to burn. He scorched the world around me leaving nothing here to protect me but him.

Kissing Edward this time was better than before – this time I had no doubt in my mind he wanted _me_. Though I couldn't understand why this was true – it was. He held my hips square to his body – my shape matching his. He kept me at a safe distance with a firm grip and I wondered if it would ever be possible to escape his hold on me. I decided I would never test that theory.

**A/N awh Mike's gone. Happy? My reason for choosing Mike was in twilight when Edward said "I knew that if I continued to ignore you as I should, or if I left for a few years, till you were gone, that someday you would say yes to Mike, or someone like him." So, Bella and Edward are together, I have a few more ideas to continue this story but I could also wrap it up about now. what are you guys feeling? feedback please :)**


	13. Chapter 13:I wear you on my sleeve

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight nor the song used in this chapter**

**Those belong to the awesome, SMeyer and Lifehouse**

**A/N: SO who is officially done with midterms? I AM. this means I am back to writing instead of studying! YAY for all.  
Hopefully this is worth the wait. Thanks to everyone who reviews/favourites. Let me know what you think of this one.**

_Instead of hiding my face  
My mind's in your eyes  
Can your love embrace  
Me as I am?  
In the silence you stare at the world  
Your eyes are screaming to be heard  
I want to learn you inside out__  
_-Lifehouse, Learn you inside out.

"Char – Dad I booked the tickets already, I'll be getting in on the 24th at 10:30 pm." Charlie had been fretting about me since he heard my flight was cancelled. He knew I wouldn't have been able to stay at my house and was worried I would freeze to death. I paused as he spoke, phone conversations with Charlie never lasted long. "It's fine really. I have to go finish packing. See you soon Dad, love you."

I hung up the phone and walked out of Edward's room and into the kitchen.

"My flight leaves tomorrow." I said out loud as I reached the room Edward was standing in. The last few days exploring Edward were perfect. I didn't want to leave the fantasy he created in our haven up north. We would spend days talking and laughing with Alice and when we would part for the night Edward would walk me to his room where I slept, like it was my front porch. He would bend his face to mine and I knew I would never get used to the pure exhilaration of knowing he wanted me. He would trail kisses along my jaw line until I could not take more and crashed my lips to his. We would stand there in perfection, my hands in his hair, his arms encompassing me, for what seemed like an eternity until he had to break it off. My human hormones were often the cause of his departure for the night. We didn't want to test him too much – well I was fine with testing him, but he wasn't.

I did not want to leave.

"Yes it does. Are you packed?" He asked as I sat down at the island in the middle of the room. "Hungry?" he asked as he set a plate of eggs and bacon down in front of me.

"Thank you." I smiled at him. He was a very good chef for someone who preferred to _drink_ rather than eat. "I'm almost packed." Just then Alice entered with a suitcase.

"What's that for?" I asked, then looked at Edward for assistance. He shook his head.

"She wants to give you a new wardrobe for Christmas. It's in the suitcase." Edward explained.

"You're no fun!" Alice accused. "It was supposed to be a surprise."

"Oh no Alice you don't have to!" I hated presents. I didn't think I needed anything more in life. I was already spoiled enough.

"But I want to." She smiled at me. I finished eating my breakfast and surrendered my wardrobe to Alice as I assumed there was no point in trying to fight her.

"Are you two spending Christmas alone?" I asked. I wish I could stay here with them – or, they could just come home to Forks. I mean they do live there. It wouldn't look suspicious – not that I cared what Jessica Stanley would deduce from me coming home with the Cullens.

Just then Alice _ran_ out of the room.

"What is she doing?" I asked Edward. I was a slow human – he often needed to catch me up on this vampire stuff. I wasn't a seasoned expert _yet._

Few things I had learned in the past few days though:  
they can't sleep  
they can eat, but only begrudgingly  
they are almost invincible  
and are _not _susceptible to garlic, steaks to the heart, crosses, or light.  
And they live _forever _at _one age_. Edward would be perfectly seventeen forever. And here I was aging.  
It was taking less time to get used to this world of fantasy than it should have.

"She's packing."

"What?" I was slightly worried, "I don't think I can fit anymore clothes in my closet."

"Not for you. For me." He spoke low. His brow furrowed and his usually steady breath hitched. He was worried about something.

"What's wrong Edward?" I asked as I got up and crossed the room to stand at his side. I took his hand into mind and brushed my lips to his knuckles.

"Nothing Bella." He didn't want me to push him further, I could tell.

"Well than why is Alice packing for you?" I tried to change the subject, "is that your Christmas gift too?" I thought Edward looked perfect already in the clothes he had.

"No it's not a gift."

Alice re-entered the room with a second, larger suitcase.

"Well Bella, if Edward is going back to Forks for Christmas he's going to need to look presentable when he meets Charlie." I was having trouble keeping up with Alice. She was always 5 steps ahead of the rest of the world.

"Alice." Edward spoke.

Alice ignored him, "Bella this will be so much fun! You'll meet Esme, and Carlisle, and Emmett!"

"Alice." Edward said again with more aggression.

Alice continued, "And now you can't get away with not wearing what I got you because I will see you!"

"Alice."Edward was loud and harsh. He was upset. The hand that was still in mine was now tense. He spoke low when he said, "She never said she wanted me there." He looked away from me when he said that. "You should wait until Bella suggests _anything_ before you jump down her throat with your plans." Edward scolded.

I liked the plans that Alice had mapped out though. I wanted that week in Forks, the one with my vampire boyfriend and his family, together, instead of the week in Forks without him – which was my original sentence. The knowledge that he left state because of me kept me insecure enough to not want any amount of time away from him.

"Fine then." Alice spoke to me now, beaming, "Bella, do you want me and my idiotic brother to come with you to Forks?" Edward's hand barley squeezed mine tighter, I could tell he was restraining himself.

"Of course. How could I ever _not_ want you near me?" I turned to Edward as I said this.

He still seemed upset, so I made it crystal clear, "Edward and Alice Cullen I would be deeply hurt if you did not accompany me back to Forks to see your family." I tried to tease. He smiled but it didn't make it to his eyes.

"Excellent." Alice said. "I'll go book the tickets."

She left me and Edward alone in the kitchen. I was tired of standing so I pulled Edward behind me by the hand to the white sofa in his living room. He sat down at one end and I sat next to him, my body taking the shape of his. I leaned against him as he encircled me with his arms. I shivered despite my comfort.

"Sorry" he mumbled.

"S'okay." I assured him. He took a blanket off the back of the couch and wrapped it around me.

He didn't speak.

"Edward?"

"Yes Bella?"

"Why didn't you think I would want you in Forks with me?" I asked. I expected this is why he was upset. He always had it so backwards. I was the one who should be insecure about the insane reasoning as to why he would want to be with me.

"It wasn't that I didn't think you wanted me in Forks. It's just what Alice saw, me meeting Charlie, you meeting my _family_." He paused and took a breath, "I didn't want to pressure you – if you weren't ready."

"Why would I not be ready?" I was baffled. "You said you're whole family is like you right? The good guys?"

"As far as our diets go – yes we try to be good." He spoke into my hair, his chin resting on my head. "That doesn't mean we aren't still dangerous. I don't think you grasp that Bella. I shouldn't put you in that kind of danger."

"I put myself there." I tried to defend him. "I want to meet them Edward. I want to know all about you and your family." I started to blush as I finished the thought in my head, _because I want to be a part of it one day_.

"What are you thinking?" He asked me, curious about my cheeks sudden outburst no doubt.

"That must bug you – not being able to hear me." I tried to distract him so I traced circles onto his forearms.

"Yes it does bother me. Especially when you try to evade the subject of _what you were thinking_." Vampire's were much smarter than normal people. "Will you tell me?"

"It was nothing." I said and redness crept back into my cheeks.

"You will be the death of me." He shook his head. "Bella," he spoke my name in his song-voice, "will you please do me the great honour of knowing what thoughts were being entertained in that beautiful head of yours?" each word he spoke was velvety soft and seductively smooth.

"I was just thinking..."I began, "that I really want to meet your family."

"And?"

"And.."I buried my face into his arms "I want to be a part of your family someday so I figured I should get to know them sooner rather than later..." I just admitted to the boy who I had only been – were we even dating? – for 3 days that I planned on becoming part of his family one day – becoming a vampire one day.

I knew he was upset because I could feel him lock in place beneath me – for the first time feeling like a stone under me.

"Are you scared?" I asked. Edward was still a guy – commitment issues? I _was_ _clearly_ in this deeper than he was and now he was aware of that too.

"Am _I _scared?" He asked in disbelief. "Bella why _aren't_ you scared?! This isn't about me!" I laughed despite myself – if he only knew – everything was about him. "And now you're laughing! I shouldn't go to Forks. You shouldn't meet my family. This shouldn't be happening." He continued to unravel his thoughts while keeping me securely coiled in his arms.

"Edward please stop that!" I interrupted him. "I don't want you to say that anymore!" I couldn't help but cry. When he said words like that I felt unwanted. "I already told you once that you don't see yourself clearly, I meant it then, and I still mean it now. Even knowing what I know."

"I just..." he looked away, "don't want to hurt you."

"I trust you." I assured him turning my body to look at his face. "more than you trust yourself."

"More than you should." He tried to correct me but I silenced him with my lips. My face crashed into his, hungry lips meeting tentative ones – ones who were trying to suppress their own treacherous hunger. I knew his reaction would be to stop if I pushed any further so I stayed there, with only the smallest of movements, attached to Edward.

I pulled away and smiled, "See, I'm still alive." He smiled too, I was sure that fact made him happy.

"There is a reason for that." He spoke matter-of-factly.

"Oh?" I inquired further. Maybe there was some vampire secret I didn't know about.

"Bella." He sat me up taking my two small hands into his protective ones. He was a literal white knight. A fairy tale prince that got mixed up in a horror movie. "I need you to understand that _this_ shouldn't be happening." I looked down instinctively shielding my heart from the blow of his words. He removed one of his hands from mine and raised my face again to look in his. He held my chin between two fingers as he spoke, "But it is." My eyes locked into his. "Because of you. I don't deserve you Bella. A part of me wishes you would see that and run back to Charlie," his voice was sad, "back to Mike. It would be safer for you."

"But Edward I don't – " He placed one finger over my lips to silence me.

"Let me finish. _Part of me_ wants you to leave. That part of me has been getting smaller and smaller since I saw you in The Center. That part of me has been fighting a loosing battle since I walked you home in the moonlight. That part of me has been silent since you found out _what I was_ and _didn't _care. So now it's me, _all of me_, that wants you Bella, needs you."

My heart was accelerating too fast, my breath coming too slow and my brain could not keep up with any of what he was saying. He was stealing my lines. I was the one who was trying to convince myself to be with Mike, not him. This was backwards; I was the one with the unhealthy _need_ to be with him. Could he possibly feel it too?

"Edward I – " I wanted to tell him I felt the same.

"Bella _I love you_, with all of my silent heart." I could not help but let a tear fall. Not sad tears, not angry tears, this was pure joy, utter ecstasy.

I threw my arms around his neck as I hurdled myself into his stone shape. "_I love_ _you_ Edward, with all of my over-reactive heart." He laughed, letting his voice perfect this moment. We stayed there for some time, wrapped in each other. Edward would stroke my hair and I could hear him mumble words I couldn't understand. He was my Prince and this was my happily ever after. I never wanted to change this moment.

"So you want to meet my family?" He asked low into my ear.

"Yes. I do." We would avoid the topic of me _being _in his family for now.

"Okay, then I guess it's time I return to Forks."

"I think so. And you can meet Charlie."

"Are you sure Bella?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Every father wants their daughter to date someone who meets their standards. Something tells me the vampire boyfriend isn't what a father would like."

"Silly Edward. You are a perfect gentleman – vampire or not. Charlie will like you I promise. Every father just wants his daughter to be loved anyway."

"Then I suppose he will like me." He smiled at me, leaving me dazed.

A/N: thoughts?


	14. Chapter 14:love you're caveing

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, nor the lyrics/song used.  
Those belong to SMeyer and Backseat Goodbye**

_I tried stealing you the stars  
But the heavens above wouldn't have it  
Took pictures of passing cars  
While you carved our names in the cement  
I know we're not a familiar trend  
But if needed I'd die for you tonight_  
- Backseat Goodbye, We got lost in Winter

The flight from Anchorage to Port Angeles wasn't as bad as the trip I had prepared for those few nights ago. I sat in between my vampire boyfriend and what was becoming my vampire best friend. Edward put up the arm rest between us and I fell asleep in his arms as the ground below became further and further away. No the flight wasn't bad at all.

"Nervous Bella?" Alice asked as we were waiting at baggage claim. My face was blank as I was thinking of the next few days. I would surely see Mike, it was a small town, I would meet the _entire _Cullen clan – would they like me? – and Edward would meet Charlie, what would my dad say? I had a lot to think about.

"Uhm yeah. I'm really anxious actually." My hand came up to play with the locket around my neck.

"Don't worry, this weekend will be fine. I promise." Alice gave me a big smile and a wink. I didn't have a choice but to believe her.

"How's Edward feeling?" I asked, Edward was getting me a coffee at the closest Starbucks.

"He's nervous too Bella."

"About me meeting your family?" I asked quietly.

"Yes. But not because he thinks they won't adore you, because he's still waiting."

"Waiting for what?"

"For it to hit you. For you to realize what we are and finally decide you never want to see him again."

"Well he's going to have to wait for forever because that won't happen." I couldn't run from him if I wanted. "What's it going to take for him to see that?"

"Time." The little pixie smiled sweetly, "That's all Bella."

"Well I guess he has ample amount of that." I bit my lip...but I don't. "Alice, do you think Edward can hear what you're thinking right now? Is he close enough?"

"Probably. Why?"

"I was just wondering if I was going to have to brace myself for his reaction to what I'm going to ask you." I looked down at my feet.

"Which is?" Alice eyed me suspiciously.

"How does someone _become _a vampire?" I shifted my eyes, scanning for Edward, he was still gone.

"I don't think he wants you to know." Alice shook her head. I grabbed her hand, begging.

"Please Alice, as my best friend." I gave her small smile, hoping my guilt trip would work.

"It isn't easy." She started, speaking low to try to hide her betrayal from Edward. Even though we both knew that as soon as he returned he would hear in her head my question. "We have many gifts to help us hunt. Many more than we need. One of those gifts is our venom. It has many different uses, none of them really necessary since the prey is often drained by the time the venom takes effect. But _if _the vampire can control themselves enough to leave the prey _after _a bite than the human would too become a vampire."

"That doesn't seem so bad." I couldn't understand why Edward was being so secretive.

"That's the easy part. The transformation takes days. Human memories fade, once you are changed, except one. The pain of transformation is the strongest memory of human existence for a vampire – it burns through you veins – reaching your entire body. An unstoppable force twists inside of you."

"Oh." It was hard to imagine small Alice in that kind of pain, it was even worse to imagine Edward like that. I flinched in response to my thoughts. "Why do you think he doesn't want me to know?"

"You should ask him that. As your best friend I will tell you about me, what I am, how I came to be. But as far as Edward's concerned...you should talk to him."

"Thank you for telling me Alice."

"No problem Bella." She smirked, about what I wasn't sure but I assumed I would find out in the near future.

Edward returned with my coffee and a magazine for Alice.

"Here you go love." He handed me my drink and my heart sputtered as his tongue rolled over the world _love_. It took a while for it to reach it's normal cadence. "What were you two talking about?" Edward asked with a smile. I knew there was no point in lying so I said nothing. My eyes studied him as he watched Alice, she was clearly replaying our conversation in her head.

Edward's demeanor fell. His usually perfect cool was chipped away and he looked upset. Was the idea of me wanting to be part of his family so repulsive to him? I would want _him_ for forever. Did he not want me for that long, _for forever?_

I heard a low snarl build in Edward's chest. He was responding to something Alice was showing him. I didn't think it was our conversation again. I hated that I was the only one without any special talents here.

"That's not going to happen." Edward said low and hard. His eyes were frozen and mouth curled into a scowl. "I _will _keep her safe."

"That's not just _your_ decision Edward. Not anymore." Alice shot back at him.

"Would someone like to fill me in?" I chimed in, I was sick of being out of the loop.

"It's nothing Bella." Edward tried to shrug it off.

"Oh clearly. You and Alice never get along so it must not be anything big." My words dripped with sarcasm, "Edward, it's not nothing. I thought we were done with secrets."

"Fine I will tell you. But not now."

"And why not! Give me one good reason." Edward pointed behind me. I turned around to see Charlie walking towards me, a goofy grin displayed on his face.

I smiled back. I hadn't realized how much I missed him until I saw him. I left my bags with Alice and Edward and walked towards him as fast as I could without running.

"Bella." Charlie spoke, his voice coarse and tired from waiting up for me.

"Hey dad." We embraced warmly. "I missed you."

"Missed you too Bells."

"It's good to see you're still alive." I evaluated, "I would have thought you'd starve by now."

"I got by without you for years Bells. Took some getting used to but I'm back to surviving. It's good to see you're alive too."

"I told you I would be." I turned to look at Edward as I spoke those words. He also needed to know that I was safe with him.

"Where are your bags? Did you get them yet?" I looked to where Edward and Alice were standing. In the sea of people they stood out like a rainbow on a gray afternoon, statuesque perfection amongst mortals. That's what they basically were - rainbows – in the sun anyway.

"Uhm yeah they're over there." I pointed toward my bags and friends.

"Hey are those 's kids?" Charlie asked, " – the ones in your grade?"

"Yeah, Edward, actually goes to U of A. Alice is in some fashion program in Paris. They came down to spend Christmas with Carlisle and Esme so we thought we'd come together."

"Huh, I've never seen that Edwin – "

"Edward." I corrected.

"Edward down for Christmas. He's been gone a while hasn't he? And this is the first time he's back?"

"I guess he has been gone a while. About as long as I've been here. He has relative in Denali so I suppose that's why he never came home for holidays." I didn't really know what the story Edward had arranged was so I tried to stay as nondescript as possible.

"I wonder what's different this year then? What's important enough to bring him back?" Charlie wondered aloud.

"I don't know."

"Must be something big." He shrugged.

"I think you're right dad." I tried to hide the large smile forming on my face, the pink colour flocking to my cheeks and the increased pace of my already pounding heart. Charlie's analysis of Edward made me acutely aware of him. Maybe he didn't want me forever. But he did want me _now_. And that was more than I could have hoped for already.

"Well then we should go over there. I'd like to meet the Doctor's kids. Do they need a ride?"

"I think so. If that's okay."

"Not a problem. Let's go Bells." He didn't make any more physical contact with me – emotion was not Charlie's strong point – but I could see in his eyes that he was elated to have me home. He clearly missed me just like I missed him. As the distance between us and the Cullen's closed I caught a look in Edward's face. He must have just _heard_ something from someone – his face bent into the perfect crooked smirk that he had coined. I didn't know what to expect from this coming together of Edward and Charlie but I hoped Alice would be right. That everything would be fine.

**AN: yes this was a pretty nonmonumental chapter - sorry about that - but i will have another one up friday morning, so hold on a little longer. **


	15. Chapter 15: best mistake

**Disclaimer: I own neither twilight nor the lyrics in this song  
Those belong to SMeyer and JamisonParker. If you have time check out the entire song, it's a perfect perspective on all the fluff i love to write :)**

**AN: WARNING: fluff ensues.  
**

_I chronicled the days you made me want to live  
Memorize the way that it felt and then I turned it into this kiss  
Tonight I'm wearing my best smile and hope to make me worth your while  
I'll be the best mistake you'll ever make_  
- JamisonParker, Best Mistake

"Dad, this is Edward and his sister Alice. Guys this is my Dad, Charlie." I introduced my father to my boyfriend. Charlie was still oblivious to the fact that the friend I had been staying with while stuck in Alaska had become my_ boyfriend_. He was also oblivious to the fact said boyfriend was a vampire but why pester him with the details?

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you Chief Swan." Edward extended his hand to shake Charlie's.

"Nice to meet you too Edward."

Alice then extended her hand to shake Charlie's. "Nice to meet you Charlie." Alice's smile shone brightly and I could tell that the little ballerina would have Charlie wrapped around her finger by the end of the ride home.

"And you too Alice, how are your mom and dad doing?"

"They are very well, thank you for asking." Edward spoke.

"Which way is the car dad?" I asked, I didn't want to stand in the airport longer.

"Op, sorry Bells. This way. Do you need help with your bags?"

"I have them Chief Swan."Edward already had both of my suitcases in either hand. It made me blush when he treated me so chivalrously. I darted my eyes away in hopes that Charlie wouldn't notice my colour.

We walked silently to the car – Charlie leading, followed by Alice carrying Edward's suitcase and lastly Edward keeping stride with me.

"Thank you." He leaned down and placed his lips to my ear.

"You're welcome...for what?"

"For bringing me home." I leaned my head toward his and smiled in response to his words.

"Thank you for coming home." I looked into his molten eyes, "It actually feels more like home now that you're here."

"I was just thinking the same." He placed a delicate kiss on the top of my head.

Charlie drove to the Cullen's place with helpful directions from Alice in the back seat. I was in the front with Charlie and though I was upset to have such a large space separating Edward from myself I figured it probably was for the best. The night always seemed to blur reality for me – helping me forget the very real danger Edward presented. In the dark, with Edward so close, I would be sure to lose myself.

We drove down a long darkened driveway leading to the Cullen residence. When we got there I spoke,

"Uhm Dad I'm going to walk them to the door okay?" Charlie eyed me suspiciously but said nothing and nodded for me to go. I got out of the car and stepped into the drizzly Forks night. I pulled my hood on as I walked to the trunk to get Edward's suitcase out.

"I got it." I said, stubbornly picking up the heavy item. He could carry it without exerting himself at all but I needed to prove my independence, my strength, and even if it was trivial this seemed like a way to demonstrate that. I placed the suitcase on the rollers and walked alongside Alice and Edward toward their front porch.

The house was brightly lit from the outside. It was large and cheerful, even in the dismal weather. There was a chair swing and candles underneath the protective covering of the terrace. Tiny drops of water pattered above us.

"This is disappointing." I said out loud as Alice opened the front door and went inside. Edward eyed me curiously. "Nothing like how a vampire is supposed to live."

"I'm sorry to let you down." He smiled his smile, "It won't happen again."

"Charlie can't see us correct?" I asked.

"Not from where the car is, no."

I smiled knowing we had a small amount of privacy, "I guess you're not much like a vampire in any way are you?" I took a step forward. "No, very disappointing vampire form. No bats, no garlic." His eyes were bright and warm as I teased him. I moved even closer to him, our outer shells touching as I laced my fingers with his. "Not to mention, everything else."

"Everything else?" Edward looked confused, I liked that I was the one mind he couldn't get into. "Bella please tell me what you mean." I smiled as I felt the frustration in his voice, it was nice to know I had some sort of upper hand on him. He _was_ severely ahead in every other aspect of us.

"There's the fact you made me breakfast every morning, the way you look at me like you really see _me_, the way when we walk I can _feel_ you close even though we're not touching, the way every time we _do_ touch my heart doesn't know whether to stop or explode" I smiled – he rubbed circles into the back of my hands. When I spoke next it was just above a whisper. "The way you wrote me that song, how kind you are, how chivalrous you are...how good you are." He looked awkward receiving such compliments – he made me so mad when he did that. "Why do you do that to yourself?"

"Do what?"

"I'm not sure what. Blame yourself?...Repulse yourself? I don't understand it Edward and I would like you to stop it."

He didn't respond.

"Charlie's wondering what's taking so long. He's thinking about getting out of the car to see."

"He hasn't moved though right? He still can't see us?" I was worried, I wasn't ashamed of Edward but I hadn't told Charlie yet and if he saw me holding Edward's hands...

"No, the shrubs down the path are in the way. Why?" For being ridiculously smart this boy was pretty slow sometimes.

"Because I can't think of a way to convince you that whatever you're thinking is the furthest from the truth other than this." I stood onto my tippy toes letting go of his hands and looping mine around his neck. I threw myself fully into his lips like I always did – taking pleasure in the sharp prick of his lips on mine. He placed his hands on either side of my hips – his strong fingers gripping the bones beneath my jeans.

I broke away to breath.

"Edward. I wouldn't be here with you if you weren't who you are. You _are _a hero, _my hero_, whether you like it or not."

"So I have to agree with you or you'll attack me with your mouth again?" He smiled devilishly, "because if _those_ are the consequences of my poor actions –" I punched him in the arm.

"Ow" I waved my hand up and down. "I keep forgetting."

"Sorry love, let me." He took my hand and kissed every one of my fingers – the feel of his lips was better than an icepack. "Better?"

"Much." I breathed. "Thank you." He took a step backward quickly, bracing himself on a support column. Must have had enough limit pushing for one night.

"If you don't go now, Charlie will be here in a minute."

"When will I see you next? I kind of liked the idea of being able to see you, day and _night_, whenever I wanted." Why do I always tell him exactly what I'm thinking, I must seem desperate. Didn't I tell him that I liked my mental privacy, what good is it if I keep letting him in anyway. It's like I'm trying to help him out with his handicap of not being able to hear my thoughts.

"Leave your window open." He looked up at me from sheltered eyes.

"Why? It's raining."

"Do you trust me?"

"You know the answer to that."

He smiled once more at me before I heard,

"Bella?" Charlie called from close by. He emerged from behind a group of trees carrying an umbrella.

"Sorry Dad! I was talking to Edward about..." I didn't know how to finish the sentence. "I'm coming." I called out to him. I looked at Edward but said nothing I turned and ran into the now storming night toward Charlie.

This was going to be a fun car ride home.

We huddled together under his small umbrella. Thankfully the thunder claps and sheets of rain were loud enough to delay any discussion until we reached the car. Charlie walked me to my side, unlocking the door and letting me in before walking around the cruiser to his own seat.

"I almost forgot how wonderful the weather is here." I mused to fill the silence of the car. The funny part was that _now_ that was the truth. Edward clearly couldn't go into the sun, he would turn heads quicker than he already does. But Forks was always over cast, or raining, so this was the best weather for Edward.

"I almost forgot what you looked like." Charlie ribbed.

"Dad I used to spend 10 months away at a time. This was only 4."

"I got used to seeing you everyday Bells. I really missed you."

"I missed you too dad." I smiled at him in the dark, "So are you hungry? I can cook something up when we get back."

"You just got off a plane, aren't you tired? I'm sure the last thing you want to do is have to cook for your old man."

"I like cooking, believe me if I didn't want cook I wouldn't offer."

Charlie laughed, "Well I know that's true you're as stubborn as Renée ever was. There's no way someone would be able to change your mind once it's made up."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"It is one, especially coming from a father. Of a daughter. One who just broke up with her steady boyfriend. And now shows up home with someone new. Yeah definitely a compliment."

My cheeks reddened by his analysis.

He continued, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really."

"Okay. I just have a few questions then."

"Fine."

"You broke with Mike?"

"Yes."

"Because of Edward?"

"No, not _just_ because of Edward." Mainly because of Edward – but not solely because of him, "It – he – just wasn't who I was anymore."

"But you do like Edward."

He didn't pose it as a question but I answered it anyway, "Yes."

"Are you dating the boy?"

I paused to think, "Yes."

"And he's good to you?"

I answered this one without missing a beat, full heartedly, "Yes."

"Well then I guess that's all I needed to know."

"So dinner when I get back? I assume you have fish."

Charlie smiled widely at me. We drove the rest of the way in silence. I was thankful Charlie wasn't big into conversation, or feelings, or anything of the sort. I was barely beginning to understand what it was that was going on between me and Edward. I was not ready to explain it to an outside source.

**A/N: All my angst is drained out of me, so if you're not a fan of fluff i would avoid the next few chapters lol. **


	16. Chapter 16: your heart and your soul

**Disclaimer: I still don't own it. This time belonging to SMeyer and Blue Foundation  
AN: thank you from the bottom of my heart to any/every one who leaves such kind reviews. I adore you guys.  
Midnight Sun references slightly? maybe?  
I have some 'splainin (more like rambling) at the bottom of this chap. so check it out.  
hopefully you'll enjoy this update. let me know :)

* * *

  
**

_I wanna watch you sleeping peaceful  
Resting your heart and your soul  
We should never awake without the other  
Lying by our side  
_-Blue Foundation, Watch you Sleeping

Talking to Charlie about Edward was as painless as I had expected. We are so much alike; neither of us like to dwell on the uncomfortable. When we got home I went upstairs to my small bedroom. I placed both suitcases down, opened my window as wide as I could to the darkened night, and went down stairs to make dinner.

I floated through the evening on clouds. I was growing more and more confident in my earlier judgment that Edward was why I left for Alaska. Forks felt greater now – it felt more monumental. This place now stood as a pivotal moment in my life instead of a simple time fill. I could not keep a smile off my face or a leap in my step as I hurriedly rushed through the preparation of Charlie's food.

"I'm going to go to bed now dad." I yawned for emphasis, "I'm beat."

"Alright Bells, thanks for dinner." I walked over to him and kissed him on the top of the head.

"You're welcome. I'm glad you didn't starve while I was gone. Goodnight"

"G'night."

I tried to steady my pace as I walked upstairs. Being at home made everything real for me. I was no longer in the frozen sanctuary of Edward's ranch. I was at home, just like those years ago, my life once again entering unknown, and sometimes scary, territory. I went into my room and closed the door without turning on the light. With my back to the door I slide down and hugged my knees shaking my head. This could not be real. I was receiving more than I ever thought was real.

I was sure it wasn't real. Mike was real. Edward – _Edward_ –wasn't real. Couldn't be.

But it would seem that he was. And that he was stupid enough to think he wanted me.

I stood to turn on the light beside the doorway.

"Hello Bella." The voice came from the corner of the room, he was sitting in my old rocking chair. Perfection personified.

"Edward. How did you get –" I looked at him dubiously, "oh the window." I walked over toward him. "Impressive."

"Thank you." He stood towering over me, staring down. The presence of him so close making my body rigid, tense, electrified. "How was dinner?"

"I didn't eat, but by the size and number of Charlie's helpings I can confidently guess pretty good."

I walked over to the bed and sat down criss-cross. Edward followed without cues directly behind me.

"So what do you want to do?" He asked.

"I have a couple of things in mind."

"Oh?" his eyes widened in mock curiosity, "You know I hate secrets. Care to share?" he smiled swiftly at me, temporarily knocking me out.

"Well for starters," I leaned forward taking his lips hostage with my own – both of my hands found their way to his firm and defined chest, the cold temperature of his body penetrating his shirt easily. His fingers ran their course through my hair, before taking my jaw squarely in his hands. His touch sent a shiver through my body, which caused my heart rate to increase.

I leaned with more weight, more force, into him. Even though I knew I could never have enough power to make him move he realized my intentions and laid back onto my bed. I hovered over him, enjoying the feel of his temperature against every inch of me. Our lips continued to dance, I didn't want to push him further than he was ready. So it was simple and safe – as safe as kissing a vampire could be.

I shivered again and this caused him to stop.

"I'm sorry." He apologized.

"Don't worry about it, I'm fine." I tried to initiate another kiss. This one was short lived as he pulled back almost immediately.

"I would really rather not give you hypothermia." he continued to protest.

"Physical activity keeps the body warm." I smiled into his lips.

"Bella, behave. Please?" His voice was all velvet and soft.

"Okay" I got up and walked over to my closet. I opened the door and pulled out an extra blanket. "Better?"

"Yes, now come sit." I did as he said and sat close to him. He laced his hand with mine and held it in his lap. "What else did you want to do?"

"Well, I have some..._questions_ for you." I was trying my best to ignore the very real problems we needed to figure out – while in Alaska they were easily forgotten. But Forks was real – the problems here were unavoidable.

"Ask anything."

Even though I was determined to get everything out of my mind tonight I was still worried about his reaction. I looked down at our hands intertwined. Edward was the only person who looked pale compared to me.

"Please Bella, ask me. I always want to know what you're thinking."

"Why did you leave Forks? _Really_?" my voice was meek.

I looked up at him when he did not respond immediately. He was staring at the wall across from my bed.

"You." His words were detached.

"But why? What did I do?"

"You didn't have to do anything. It's because I'm..._a monster_. It wasn't your fault Bella." His words rang out with what he believed was truth.

"Why me?" I asked again, it wasn't making sense. Why was I so special and if he really was a monster why didn't he just kill me and be done with it?

"When you're what I am, you have a thirst, a constant _pain_ for blood. It becomes bearable but it never goes away. You learn to live with it. Each person has a different taste – smell – some are better than others. To me you – your _essence_ – was unlike anything I've ever experienced. It is the _most_ magnificent mixture of sweetness I have ever encountered. In that first moment, in biology, before I knew who you were all I wanted..." he turned his head completely away from me, ashamed, "...was your blood."

"Edward..." I didn't know what to say. TV and books don't prepare you for how to respond when your vampire sweetheart tells you he wanted you dead.

"I couldn't do that to my family. I wouldn't do that to you. So I left – I didn't know how else to handle it."

"Has it gotten better?" I asked quietly.

"I'm here aren't I?" He looked at me now. I smiled at him, though his words were laced with sadness.

"Yes you are." I kissed the back of his hand.

"But you still have the same effect on me. I've just decided I'm strong enough to resist. I have to be." His words were set in stone; somewhere in his mind, in his heart, in his words –he was sure of what he spoke.

"What made you change your mind?" I let my curiosity lead me.

"When I was gone, before you came to find me." He smiled, "I realized something."

"Yes?" my voice broke.

"That I was in love with you." He spoke matter-of-factly.

"You knew that then? Before I came for you?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"Yes. I knew it then; it scared me at first. For my kind changes don't happen; we are stuck in our bodies – in our minds – the way they were developed when the transformation occurred for all eternity. So when something _does_ change us, so irrevocably as my feelings for you did, then it too is for eternity."

"So you think you'll love me for forever?" I asked for clarification.

"I know I will." He whispered – I had to strain to hear his words.

"And I know I'll love you forever." I took a sharp breath, like right before ripping off a band-aid. "But it won't _really _be forever..."

"Bella, no." His words were harsh.

"You didn't even let me finish! How do you know what I was going to say?" I protested.

"Fine. Finish." He sighed.

"Well...there's only one group I know who _can _love forever." I played with our hands.

"Bella, _no_." Again with the harsh tone – so moody that boy can be.

"Why not?" I whined.

"I will not let that happen to you."

"Let what happen to me? To love? Forever?" I stared at him in disbelief, it didn't sound like a bad idea to me.

"I will not let you become like me," he got up and walked to the window, "soulless, a murderer."

"Edward, you have to be an idiot if you think that's 'like you'" I got up and walked over to him, "you are _not _a murderer, and you are certainly not soulless. You have one of the purest hearts and souls I have ever seen. More people should be just like you."

"You might think that now Bella, but you're human. You'll change, your feelings will change, you might grow out of me."

"One, me being human doesn't have to be that way," He snarled low, I tried to ignore it and continued, "two, _I_ may change but _my feelings_ about you _won't_. I don't know how to explain to you how devastatingly important you are to me so you're just going to have to trust me. I love you Edward, forever. Or however long you'll _want _me to."

"I will not hurt you." He seemed to be trying to reassure himself more than me.

"Then say you'll think about it. Please?" My eyes tried to do their share of the pleading. They searched through his trying their best to portray the need in me.

"I'll think about it but that doesn't mean my thoughts will change. I'm set on keeping you happy and human, just as I found you."

"I wasn't happy _until _you found me – not really." I sighed, I wasn't going to win this battle tonight. "When do I get to meet your family?" We both walked back to the bed and sat on its edge.

"I figured the day after Christmas. Charlie will want you tomorrow and even though I don't want to I guess I'll have to share."

"Sharing's over rated." I teased trying to get my own way.

"Maybe, but I still want to be on his good side."

I yawned as I laid onto my back, my legs hanging off the side of the bed. "What time is it?"

"A little after midnight. You should sleep; I keep forgetting your human needs. I apologize."

"Don't worry about it." I weighed my options in my mind, sleep vs Edward. Sleep was loosing badly. "I don't want to go to sleep though. You're not here when I sleep."

"What if I was here? Would you sleep then?"

I thought about it momentarily, my eyes drooped lower, "Yes."He moved so he was laying on the bed, I shifted to accommodate him. I realized I was still wearing jeans and a blouse. This would not work. "I have to change." I said.

"You sound worried by that. I assume you've changed before."

"Yes but if I leave this room, I'll wake up Charlie who I think went to bed over an hour ago. I would really rather not do that." I grabbed my sweatpants and an extra heavy sweatshirt to prepare myself for Edward. "Could you just...close your eyes?"

Edward smirked but did as he was told.

I turned around so my back was to him. I unbuttoned my shirt and threw it to the floor, I peeked over my shoulder to look at Edward. The sound of the fabric hitting the ground caused Edwards forearms to tense. I was seeing a different hunger in Edward – a human hunger and I caused it. I smiled as I felt my cheeks rise in temperature. I replaced my blouse with my sweatshirt. Next I undid my pants and slide them off, I peaked back over my shoulder to see if Edward was still obeying. I was a little upset to see that he was being the gentleman and not looking, of course. I was already getting sick of always having to stop for _my safety._ If he would just let himself go once... I put on my sweatpants.

"Done." I said. He smiled brightly at me.

I climbed into bed next to him and got underneath the blankets. He tucked me in tightly and wrapped an arm around me.

"Good night Edward." I whispered to the darkness.

"Good night Bella." The darkness replied.

The last clear memories of that night were of Edward's lips on my forehead as he whispered a succession of eight letters that made my heart fly.

_I love you.

* * *

_**AN: Some of you guys have commented on the quick progression of their relationship. The way I see it, the entire saga happens in just over two years, and Edward and Bella are all about the wuv after the first few chapters in twilight. In this A.U. Bella has been just as affected by Eward in her first day at Forks as she was in Twilight but now it had settled within her for 2 years until she saw him again and was brought back to that first day. Also during the _months_ of _friendship _with Edward those feelings were stronger than she ever expected to exist. Bella and Edward seemed to skip that phase in Twilight and I always wondered how they could handle it. As for Edward, well I'm taking a page from Midnight Sun and saying he still had his revelation in the snow, only in this A.U. he couldn't imagine risking Bella's life because he loved her. I hope you guys dont feel like I'm forcing it...so there's my rationale. **


	17. Chapter 17: your heart is an empty room

**Disclaimer: i don't own anything from the twilight universe nor the song below  
Those belong to SMeyer and Death Cab  
**

**A/N: Just some fiction and fluff to keep you guys from going insane waiting for tonight!  
what are you thoughts? expecting the movie to be an epic fail or epic flail? Let me know in the comments. Or AFTER you see it let tell me what you thought about it.  
And as course your thoughts on the _chapter_ would be awesome,you amazing people :)  
**

_Home's face: how it ages when you're away  
Spring blooms and you find the love that's true  
But you don't know what now to do  
Cause the chase is all you know  
And she stopped running months ago  
-_Death Cab for Cutie, Your heart is an Empty Room

When I woke up Edward was not where I expected him to be, but where I thought he belonged. He was still beside me – eyes watching me lovingly. I was pooled into the space beside him, my head buried into his chest shielding my eyes from the light streaming in.

"Morning Beautiful." Edward whispered into my hair.

A weak "Hi." Was all I could manage.

"I have to go. Charlie's expecting you downstairs." He muttered.

"I'm surprised you stayed this long." I told him honestly, "Charlie didn't come check on me?"

"He did but I hid." He smiled to himself, "you should clean under your bed for next time, a guy can get lost under there."

"Next time." I spoke with a smile.

"Unless you don't want me here." He looked truthfully concerned that _that_ could be true.

"Of course I do. I just liked hearing it...n_ext time._" I kissed his chin. "I like the idea."

"So do I – more than I can explain." He looked at me with amazement, "I don't deserve you."

"I say you do."

"Charlie's thinking about coming to wake you up if you aren't down soon."

I groaned. "Fine. But you'll be back tonight right?"

Edward chuckled quietly in my ear. "I will be with you as soon as the day is done."

"I can't wait."

"Me neither." He smiled, "and Bella, I know you didn't have time to get me something for Christmas, but since I had advanced warning and time to prepare I kind of, _sort of, _got you something."

"Edward no, you don't have to." I hated gifts.

"I already did and it's nothing much. It's more of an experience than a thing I want to give you anyway."

I flushed as mind my raced through improbable situations – _experiences – _with Edward.

"I'm not sure if I want to know what you're thinking." He got up and moved to the window. "I will see you tonight. Have a good time with Charlie."

"Thanks, I'll try. Goodbye."

He walked up to me and kissed me quickly on the lips as not give time to my human heart to react too excessively. He was going to give me a heart attack someday.

"By the way...Merry Christmas _love_." He spoke, my heart sped – someday soon.

"Merry Christmas." I said in return. He ran and jumped out my window. I hurried to the ledge to try and see him leave but I was no match for him.

I headed down stairs for what was sure to be a long day with Charlie.

"Morning Dad." I walked up to him to give him a hug. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas kid."

"So breakfast first or presents?" I asked with a smile.

"Presents." Charlie said with a beaming smile on his face. He walked over to the small tree in the corner of the room and picked up a small box. "I got this at a shop down in La Push, it's supposed to be some sort of homing device. They would use it when going out on long hunting trips and things like that. Gets you back to where you came from."

I took the gift from his hands and unwrapped it, revealing a small box which housed a necklace. It had a silver chain, on it hung a small cluster of three stones, a bright gleaming emerald sat next to a deep ruby coloured stone and above both at the peak was a brilliant topaz that sparkled in the light – somehow brighter than the others.

"It's beautiful Dad, I love it! Thank you." I gave him a second hug. I really meant it.

"I don't want you to forget where you come from – where you'll always belong."

"I won't dad, I'm not too far away anyway." I assured him.

"Further than I'm used to." He looked down, clearly uncomfortable with talking about any sort of feelings. "I figured the green was a pretty good representation of here, and your mom gets the red one, that's Phoenix. I don't know what the yellow one is though..."

He trailed off, I wouldn't interrupt and tell him that I knew exactly what the topaz rock that shone the brightest meant. The green and the red were my past, my roots, my family, they _were _home. The topaz, _Edward_, he _is_ my future, my choice, my home.

"Thank you Dad." I whispered as few tears rolled down my cheeks. I walk over to the tree where I deposited my gift for him "It's not as nice as your gift but here." I handed it to him and he opened the sonar fish tracking device (Edward picked it out) and the framed picture of me at the Woodhouse Center that I had gotten him.

"Thank you Bella, I love it." He smiled widely and his eyes gleamed.

"You're welcome. Breakfast now?"

"I'm starving."

The day was full of Christmas music, snow filled shoes and "quality family time". We went into town for a walk and as luck would prove I saw Mike. He was driving alone, thankfully, I would not be able to handle his mom's glare. As soon as he realized it was me he looked away and drove straight threw a stop sign. Though I had only caught his eyes for a second, the anger present would be sure to stay with him, and me, for some time.

Dinner was cooking and Charlie was watching some game on television, I was in the kitchen toying with my necklace when the phone rang.

"I got it." I called to let Charlie know he didn't have to move.

"Hello?"

"Hello." Edward's devastating voice flowed through the phone. "Can you get the door in five minutes?"

"Yes." My answer was short and concise.

"Good."

He hung up the phone before I could ask him why. I tried to casually walk into the living room and sit in the chair closest to the door. I sat with my eyes zoned onto the tv but not actually watching it.

_Knock knock_

Charlie started to get up.

"No stay sitting. I needed to get up to check the turkey soon anyway."

I walked over to the door and opened it. Outside was Edward, displaying his perfectly crooked smile and eyes that were dangerous. He held up a sign.

_Tell him it's carolers. _

"It's carolers dad, I'm gonna step out to listen." I unnecessarily closed the door. If he asked I would explain that I didn't want to interrupt his game with the music.

"Hi." He spoke.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" I asked. He gave me a goofy grin. "Not that I'm complaining but seriously."

Though it was cold for Forks, my body had become acclimatized to Alaskan weather and now with a long sleeve and sweater I was comfortably warm.

"I..." he scratched his head. "uh...was in the neighbourhood?"

He walked off my front porch and into the night sky. I followed suit, shivering slightly as I made my way into the dark.

"May I help you with that?" Edward asked.

"You may." I obliged. He took me into his arms and covered my body with his coat. Though _he _was always cold it seemed he had prepared with multiple layers so that when immersed in his coat, cover by him, I was quite warm. "So you were in the neighbourhood?"

"Forks is very small." he explained nonchalantly.

"This is true." I tilted my chin upward to look at his face, "Speaking of true why are you here?"

He sighed in defeat, "It's not that I _needed _to see you Bella, I just _wanted_ to see you." My lips spread into a wide smile as he continued to speak, "I got used to being able to see you whenever I wanted over the past few days, to be able to talk to you at any moment, " He leaned his head to mine, his lips almost touching my throat, I closed my eyes in response, "to be able to make you blush whenever I chose." I sucked in a deep breath, keeping my eyes closed for a moment longer. I opened them to see Edward staring at me with that kind of hunger in his eyes, the more understandable kind. I was feeling it too. "Bella, you don't know what you do to me. It's dangerous for someone to possess that much power."

"Coming from you that is certainly a feat."

"I didn't want to have to wait a few more hours before I could see you. So I came. I hope you don't mind." His hands, which encircled me, were rubbing small patterns onto my back.

"Not at all." I smiled, I did that a lot when I was with Edward.

It began to snow just then, the good kind of snow, the fluffy puffs of white that clung to your eyelashes and tasted the best on your tongue. I had always wanted to share a kiss in the snow – so many cheesy movie moments were spent just like this. I was suddenly quite envious of this cliché. I blushed at my thoughts.

"What are you thinking?" Edward asked.

"Sorry, I forget how much it must bug you to not hear what I'm thinking." I looked down and played with a loose thread on his sweater.

"It does get rather annoying. But if it makes you happy then I can't complain." He shrugged, "You were thinking?"

"Oh uhm," I might as well tell him, "well, you know how those ridiculous romantic movies love precipitation?" I asked, trying to sound indifferent.

"They love precipitation?"

"Yeah you know, rain, snow, they love it." I looked up at him. "They try to make it seem like the _perfect_ conditions for romance – despite the wet, and cold, and possible striking of lighting or hypothermia. I mean it's a little ridiculous." I trailed on.

"You don't think it's romantic?" Edward mused, "you don't think the snow creates an almost dreamlike atmosphere?"

"Well," I was starting to break, "I mean I guess, it's kind of nice."

"Perhaps we should test this movie theory." Edward suggested. "You know, see if precipitation is all it's cracked up to be."

"And how can we do that?" I asked.

He pretended to think, "You know it just occurred to me that the conditions are perfect to achieve such an experiment."

"They are?"

"Yes. One it's snowing, two I'm with you." He showed his crooked grin, "Seems like perfect conditions to me."

"Me too."

I waited for him to close the gap, as much as I hated to wait, the thrill of having tangible proof that he needed me the way I needed him was worth the wait. Once he moved his head to mine I stretched onto my tippy toes threw myself into him. I was already enveloped in him – our lips were simply the last step in creating what turned out to be exactly what Hollywood would have you believe. Our lips moved together as one, and though mine and Edward's relationship had certain physical limitations – which I was not too excited about – there was never any doubt that passion existed in our relationship. Our mouths parted and he rested his forehead to mine.

"I have to go inside. Carolers don't stay this long." I decided to be responsible.

I heard Edward groan. "Maybe you are discussing the national debt with these carolers. That would surely warrant another 5 minutes of discussion and we can stay out here and do this." He kissed me again, this time harsher, leaving me woozy.

"Charlie," I spoke with reason, "but I'll see you in a few hours?"

"Fine." He said begrudgingly. "A few hours."

**AN: So I watched Love Actually before writing this, those who have seen it, I'm sorry it's just too damn cute - I couldn't help myself.**


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